The Office of the Commish did a little exercise between the 2020 and 2021 seasons, taking an ‘objective’ look at the performance of all of the Franchises in the Eskimo Brothers Football League. A numerical points system of both positive and negative performances was devised, which then cumulatively gave each manager/franchise a score in order to compare them. Another couple seasons have passed, and it seems like a good time for an update.
We’ve had another manager swap over that time, with Devin joining the league after Scott’s departure. When looking at the scores, that probably brings up the overall competitiveness of the league going forward. Anyway, on to the rankings!
#15 – What Does John Fox Say (-3 | Prev: -1/#11)
Since the last update, WDJFS has left the league, and left a disaster roster and limited picks in the wake. They finished their tenure in the league with a Frittata Bowl appearance to end up dropping to the worst management in league history. It takes a fair bit of futility to make a finals run, and still be in the negatives, but they ‘accomplished’ it.
#13T – Not Bad For a Running Back (0 | Prev: -2/#12)
NBFRB picked up their first division title and playoff appearance in 2022, to get back to the baseline score after a couple Frittata appearances and a shitpile. Things seem to be on the upswing for this squad with a couple teams in the division rebuilding. The next time around, I expect them to be a little closer to the middle of the pack.
#13T – Deshaun of the Dead (0)
Devin has only had control of the squad for a season now, and surprisingly managed to keep it out of the bottom four despite the previous management (see #15). Is the team on the rise, will it hover around the playoff bubble, or are they destined for a few more years of rebuilding? We’ll soon find out.
#12 – Cole Beasley is an Idiot (3)
Another new squad since the last update, the second version of the Idiots picked up an early playoff appearance to put themselves ahead of the other 2 managers that haven’t been around the entire 9 seasons. The old Idiots were a perennial contender, so it will be interesting to see if this iteration can get the squad in position to do the same.
#11 – Fear Boners (4 | Prev: 6/#9)
The Boners are in the middle of a long rebuilding process apparently, and are the only team that drafted in the start up to not have a division title. In fairness, they’ve been in the toughest division, but they’ve never really gotten over the hump, and recently, they’ve been fighting to stay out of the last spot in the Senor Frogs grouping. They’ve made some solid picks in recent drafts, and have 2 of the top TE in the league, but there’s not a lot of depth at the RB/WR positions to make them a contender.
#10 – Long Snappers (8 | Prev: -9/#13)
I said last time around, maybe the Idiots being gone will be what the Snappers need to get over their annual underachievement. Boy was I right. The Snappers made a 17 point turnaround, jumping well clear of the bottom spot with a championship. They always have a solid defense, and have great depth at RB/WR, although some of their stars will be aging out soon. Can they backfill with young talent to get to be a consistent contender, or were they a one year wonder?
#9 – Loose Bandits (10 | Prev: 10/#8)
This manager has been gone a while so I’ll just leave what I said last time. The now defunct Bandits franchise were generally a decent team, with 3 playoff showings to 1 Frittata appearance. Like the Boners though, they could never make a run when it counted. They did at least manage to win one division title in their 5 years in the league. That said, their score would be lower combined with what the franchise has accomplished in the 2 years since.
#7T – Rex in the City (15 | Prev: 21/#4)
One Bryce moves up, so one must move down. The Rexes have had a rough couple seasons with a pair of Frittata Bowl appearances, including their second ‘award’. They seem to have embraced a rebuild after limping along for several years after their Season 1 title. Maybe they’ll be back on the rise as the Ballers and Dancers need to retool, and get back to being the class of thally tied for 7th, but the Stache gets the nod because of their 2nd championship.
#7T – Tom Selleck’s Moustache (15 | Prev: 17/#6)
The Stache haven’t done much the past couple seasons and have dropped a spot in the rankings as a result. They’ve missed the playoffs several seasons in a row now, but have made some quality picks on the offensive side of the ball, and have some good young studs to build around. The defensive side of the ball is pretty ugly, with limited talent and depth outside of edge rushers where they have a few great players. They’ll need to fill out the depth in a big way to contend for their 3rd title.
#6 – Endzone Dancers (16 | Prev: 5|#10)
The Dancers have been a contender for a few seasons now, but haven’t hoisted a trophy yet. They have, however, climbed from 10th to 6th in the franchise rankings. Will they be able to finally get over the hump? They have some serious offensive studs, but the depth could be an issue, especially as their key RB approach 30. I’m guessing they hang around the playoff mix again in 2023, but don’t have the guns to compete with the best teams in the league.
#4T – Knuckle Ballers (28 | Prev: 17/#7)
The Ballers continue to contend year after year, and then fall short in the playoffs. They picked up their first #1 seed this past year, but things ended as they always do with an early loss once things really matter. Maybe they can follow in the footsteps of the Snappers, and stop underachieving? They’re still pretty loaded, despite having more defensive lineman than most teams have at WR. Interesting roster composition, no doubt.
#4T – Chalupa Batman (28 | Prev: 22/#3)
The Chalupas had an opposing couple seasons with a Frittata Bowl appearance and a division title, and remain the top team without a championship. They’ve been to the Igloo Bowl more than any team outside of the Nagintas, but just haven’t managed to pull one out. Can ARod carry them to a title in a NYJ uniform? Boy would that be bittersweet.
#3 – Greg Schiano is an Idiot (37 | Prev: #2)
Nothing has changed since the last update. The Idiots are no more, but while they were here, they were a top team. They have a league title, 4 division titles, 2 regular season crowns, offset by only a pair of Frittata appearances. I’m sure the rest of their division is happy to see them go (potentially for more reasons than one). It could be a couple years before anyone jumps them in the rankings. (Narrator: It was)
#2 – San Juan Bananas (38 | Prev: 21/#5)
The Bananas had a couple solid seasons with a couple more playoff appearances and their first championship. They matched division rival Snappers with a 17 point jump, to put them ahead of the now defunct Idiots, and into the 2nd spot overall. They’ll need Justin Fields to be a guy, and a couple WR to not age to contend in the coming season and try to close the gap on the Nagintas.
#1 – Deadly Nagintas (62 | Prev: 59/#1)
Like the Chalupas, the Nagintas had a couple polar opposite seasons. They made their 5th final in 8 seasons in 2021, then followed that up with their first ever Frittata Bowl appearance, making them the final OG squad to end up in one. They lead (or are tied) for the league lead in titles (3), final appearances (5), regular season crowns (3), division titles (4). They’re in the midst of their 2nd rebuild in league history, and are likely sitting outside of the playoff picture again in 2023 unless a lot of young players seriously overachieve.
Division Results
Senor Frogs – 104 (+9)
Yobagoya – 101 (+35)
Taco Corp – 56 (+14)
Summary
Taking a look at the results, there are some clear tiers. The Nagintas are in a league of their own, with the Idiots joined by the Bananas, followed by the Chalupas and Ballers. There’s a significant drop off after that, with a number of teams in the teens. It’s mostly new squads in the single digits, and then the lone team that will forever remain in the negatives. As we’ve seen, plenty can change in a couple seasons with the potential for a 20 point swing between any 2 teams. That said, it’s going to take a significant amount of time for anyone to catch the Nagintas, unless their rebuild is a complete disaster.
In the division race, the Yobagoya and their back to back titles have closed the gap, and have easily been the top division in recent seasons. I would expect Senor Frogs to bounce back over the next couple years though, and remain in the top spot the next time we do this.
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