The Eskimo Brothers Football League is now heading into it’s 8th season, with an impressively minimal turnover. Only 1 manager has left the league through it’s first 7 seasons, and one this off-season because the Commish is a hard-ass when it comes to the rules. I spent a bit of time this past week updating all of the League History on the MFL site, so I thought it might be an interesting exercise to put together a Historical Manager Ranking through the first 7 seasons. I put together a point system, and tracked both success (Titles, Playoff Appearances, etc) and failures (Frittata Bowls, Frittata Awards) to come up with a number to rank all of the Franchises/Managers. Without further adieu, the 2014-2020 Manager Rankings.
#13 – Long Snappers (-9)
Perennial underachievers, the Long Snappers have taken a number of talented players, and never really built a full team around them to compete. With only one playoff appearance, and 3 Frittata awards to their credit, it’s pretty easy to slot this squad here. There are teams with more Frittata appearances, but when they’re in it, they get it. Can they turn it around and be a contender at some point in the next 7 years? We will see. Maybe having the Idiots gone will be what it takes.
#12 – Not Bad For a Running Back (-2)
This squad gets a bit of a pass here as they’ve only been around for a couple seasons now, and are still working to put their mark on the team. They only have one Frittata Bowl appearance, and no real successes to speak of. They just missed out on the playoffs in 2020, which would have taken them out of the negatives. This team will be judged on what they can do over the next 4-5 years.
#11 – What Does John Fox Say (-1)
It seems to be all or nothing for this team, as they’re either a playoff team or bottom 4. Unfortunately, they’ve been bottom 4 the most times in the league with 5 Frittata Bowl appearances. If not for their one run to the finals, they’d be competing with the Long Snappers for EBFL’s worst manager.
#10 – Endzone Dancers (5)
Speaking of one run making a big difference, the Dancers 2020 season pulled them out of the negatives in a big way. If this was done after the 2019 season, there would be a 3 way lump in the negatives with the Snappers and WDJFS. It just goes to show how a good run can change your fortunes in the rankings significantly. That said, 2 playoff appearances in 7 seasons isn’t great. If they can continue to build on what they did this past season, they should be able to climb from this low spot.
#9 – Fear Boners (6)
The Boners are only one playoff appearance off the league lead, but have never really had any success in the playoffs, nor have they won a division title. They’ve had some decent teams, but never enough to put them over the top. Prior to this season, they’d have been ahead of the Bandit/NBFRB franchise, but a Frittata Award knocks them down to the lowest in the Senor Frogs division.
#8 – Loose Bandits (10)
The now defunct Bandits franchise were generally a decent team, with 3 playoff showings to 1 Frittata appearance. Like the Boners though, they could never make a run when it counted. They did at least manage to win one division title in their 5 years in the league. That said, their score would be lower combined with what the franchise has accomplished in the 2 years since.
#7 – Knuckle Ballers (17)
The Ballers have been somewhat the opposite of their division rival WDJFS, with a division leading 5 playoff runs against 2 Frittata Bowls. They also don’t have a run to the final or a Frittata award to their name. They have won their division twice, but still don’t have that playoff monkey off their back. If not for a ridiculous run of injuries this year to some top 10 dynasty players, this team could have been in serious contention.
#6 – Tom Selleck’s Moustache (17)
The Stache only have 2 playoff appearances in 7 seasons and they’re ahead of the Ballers? If you’re confused, remember that those 2 playoff runs both culminated in championships. If they have 2 titles, why are they ranked so low? Remember that when they don’t win the title, they’re crap, as evidenced by 3 Frittata appearances with 1 ‘win’. When you’re boom or bust, you best boom big, and the Stache have done that.
#5 – San Juan Bananas (21)
The Bananas are the next team on the list with a league leading 5 playoff appearances. They’ve also won their division twice and made one final, ultimately losing to their division rival for the title. Consistency has been the name of the game for this squad, but they appear to be heading towards a bit of a rebuild stage, so it will be interesting to see if they’re still a top 5 team on this list in a couple years.
#4 – Rex in the City (21)
The Rexes have been the most successful team in the Taco Corp, winning the division 3 times and also being the first to hoist the trophy as league champ. On the other end of the spectrum, they have lived up to the family legacy with their own Frittata award (a Bryce brother has been a part of 4 of the 7). They get the nod for the 4th position over the Bananas due to their title.
#3 – Chalupa Batman (22)
The Chalupas are the best team in the league without a championship, edging out the Bananas. They also put 2 Senor Crabs teams above any in the Taco Corp. This team has made it to the finals a pair of times, been the top team in the regular season once and managed 2 division titles in a tough division. With a little championship game luck, we could have a pair of Senor Frogs teams occupying the top 2 spots in the rankings.
#2 – Greg Schiano is an Idiot (36)
The Idiots are no more, but while they were here, they were a top team. They have a league title, 4 division titles, 2 regular season crowns, offset by only a pair of Frittata appearances. I’m sure the rest of their division is happy to see them go (potentially for more reasons than one). It could be a couple years before anyone jumps them in the rankings.
#1 – Deadly Nagintas (59)
You could add up the ranking scores of the #2 and #3 teams and they’d still fall behind the Nagintas. They lead (or are tied) for the league lead in titles (3), final appearances (4), regular season crowns (3), division titles (4) and playoff appearances (5). Also, during their rebuild stage after their first title, they managed to stay out of the bottom 4 and are the only team in the league without a Frittata Bowl appearance. It’s good to be King.
Division Results
Senor Frogs – 95
Yobagoya – 66
Taco Corp – 42
Summary
Taking a look at the results, there are some clear tiers. The Nagintas are in a league of their own, with the Idiots in their own tier as well, followed by a good jumble of about 5 teams that are a couple games here and there from jumping or falling below each other. After that, you have the Bandits/NBFRB, Boners and Dancers in the single digits. Finally, we have the 2 teams in the negatives. As the Dancers and Boners have shown this season, you can move up, or down a fair margin in one year. A couple top 5 teams appear to be heading towards rebuild periods, so things could be very different after 2022. One thing is for certain, the Nagintas will be on top for a while. Suck it!
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