Football is finally back and there’s no better way to get things going than some divisional rivalry games in the EBFL. It was an interesting start to the season in the NFL and the EBFL where the Browns started without a loss for the first time in 14 years and the Nagintas picked up their first ever regular season win against the Chalupas (they did however knock them off in Igloo Bowl II). There were some big performances in Week 1, with 3 players going over 38 points in the Saints/Bucs game. The Rexes even managed to lose while having 2 players combine for 70 points. Smitty starts his 2nd title defense with an easy W against the Snappers, and Scotty is making the commish’s prediction of a division title look awful while putting up the fewest points in the league this week. At least him and Commish have a Jets win to drown their sorrows in, even if it was against the Lions in the NFL’s version of a Taco Corp division match-up.
Matchups
1-0 Greg Schiano is an Idiot (206.29) – 0-1 San Juan Bananas (167.10)
The Idiots had 5 players put up 20-ish points to easily mash the Bananas in this Week 1 tilt. The Idiots are left with a bit of a void at TE with Greg Olsen likely lost for most, if not all, of the season. The bench was also a bright spot with the highest scoring player of the week and solid performances at 3 other positions. They should be in a battle all season with the Stache for Yobagoya dominance. It was a very all or nothing week for the Bananas with several solid performances to go along with some serious duds, especially at the WR position where only 1 of 4 players scored over 1.6 points. That’s a recipe for disaster, and likely cost the Bananas a shot at the early division lead.
1-0 Tom Selleck’s Moustache (192.93) – 0-1 Long Snappers (169.68)
The Stache continue to roll and pick up the win despite losing their starting QB relatively early in the game (not that he looked good before he went down). The rest of the offense was pretty solid though and carried them to victory over the Snappers. The Stache not only lost a QB this week, but also their top DB, likely for the season. I guess it’s good for them Earl Thomas finally reported. The Snappers weren’t bad this week, but they weren’t good either. The offense topped out at 14 points outside of QB and the combined 7 points for the 3 ends was a death knell. They’re going to need more out of their offense if they want to keep up with the rest of the division.
1-0 Deadly Nagintas (200.33) – 0-1 Chalupa Batman (198.24)
As mentioned the Nagintas pulled out their first regular season win against the Chalupas. It didn’t look good after Aaron Rodgers returned after his early injury on Sunday night, but John Johnson had a big game in the late Monday nighter to grasp victory from the jaws of defeat. The Nagintas put up a very quiet 200 points with everyone contributing at least a little. The RB position was supposed to be a strength but was a bit of a let down in this one. The Chalupas had some huge performances, including a 40 burger for Tyreek Hill but surrounded that with 5 players scoring below the Nagintas worst player.
1-0 Loose Bandits (230.15) – 0-1 Fear Boners (197.12)
The Bandits were solid across the board in their victory over the defensively challenged Boners. Mo had 11 players score in double digits, but was also close to a line up fine and lost his top LB and his top TE for the season. When you’re already down a top 10 player in the game, those injuries really start to deplete some already lacking depth. Dorsett had a nice game; It will be interesting to see if he can keep that up through Edelman’s return. The Boners were stiff competitors on offense, but the defense was a letdown outside of their line and Darron Lee. That said, they have some solid depth at LB and will need better game script, but the defensive backfield may need an overhaul.
1-0 Endzone Dancers (146.73) – 0-1 What Does John Fox Say (133.39)
What a shitshow this was. The Dancers put up the 2nd lowest score of the week but still come away with the victory, thanks to a downright awful performance from WDJFS. The Dancers won despite having 10 players at 6.04 or fewer points. I see plenty more scoring like this, but I don’t see the wins following. Golden Tate and Tremaine Edmunds were about the only positives out of this one for WDJFS. The secondary was absolutely abysmal combining for fewer than 10 points. That’s a good way to get fisted on the reg. That said, there is depth on this squad, so they may be ok through the Bye weeks when other teams star players are out. You don’t have to worry about missing star players when you don’t have any.
1-0 Knuckle Ballers (205.81) – 0-1 Rex in the City (178.70)
The Ballers clearly used the pre-season Commish Report as bulletin board material as they put the boot to the Rexes (see what I did there…foot joke). They had 10 players hit double digits including 3 in the 20’s. If they can keep that up, they’ll walk away with the division. That said, it could be tough sledding as we get into Byes because there’s not much behind their starting line up – which still has some holes. I’m looking at you Alfred Morris. The Rexes put up over half their points with only 3 players. That’s all you need to know about how good the rest of the team was.
Week 1 Awards
Offensive Player of the Week
Tyreek Hill (Chalupa Batman) – The 2nd straight year a Chief has started of the season with a bang for the Chalupas. Hill put up 3 TD and over 170 yards from scrimmage.
Defensive Player of the Week
Darron Lee (Fear Boners) – Lee made the Lions his bitch on Monday night, picking off 2 passes, taking one to the house and adding 7 tackles for good measure.
Rookie of the Week
Saquon Barkley (Knuckle Ballers) – Barkley is likely to be featured here a fair bit this season. Almost 130 yards and a TD are a solid introduction to the league.
Goat of the Week
Jimmy Graham (Chalupa Batman) – He was supposed to be a contributor again in Green Bay. That wasn’t the case in Week 1.
Pickup of the Week
N/A – Not going to bother with this Week 1.
Bench Player of the Week
Ryan Fitzpatrick (Greg Schiano is an Idiot) – Fitz had probably the best game of his career in the shootout against the Saints
Bonehead Coaching Move of the Week
Mo Loosemore (Loose Bandits) – Putting yourself in a position to have to start Doug Martin when you’re supposed to be a contender can’t be good.
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