Week 7 is in the books, and we no longer have an undefeated squad. The Bandits put up the highest point total of the season and the Dancers the 2nd lowest. We also have a new leader in the Taco Corp or as most of us refer to it … Taco Crap. Moving on to the analysis:
Matchups
5-2 San Juan Bananas (203.56) – 6-1 Tom Selleck’s Moustache (200.39)
San Juan was led by Dougie Baldwin and Jordan Reed’s big second half. Reed’s 1st TD turned this game around and gives San Juan hope for a division title. But Reed’s 2nd TD sealed it. The Stache was let down in this contest by Mel Gordon and Earl Thomas. The Stache was still able to bring home 2 pts based on his scoring with Shady, Landry and the Zac Brown Band each going over the 20 pt mark. The Stache will have to wait for revenge until the regular season finale, which might be for the division.
5-2 Greg Schiano is an Idiot (211.25) – 3-4 Long Snappers (181.23)
The Snappers had hope early in the week when it looked like Zeke’s suspension was going to start. Their week and chances ended when Zeke took over the SF v Dal game early in the 1st quarter. The Idiots were led in this matchup by the back to back #1 overall picks Elliott and Gurley who scored a combined 63.8 pts which helped offset the 6 guys that scored less than 5 each. The Snappers had a lot of solid performances, however, they only had one of note, Wilson’s 26.36. The letdowns were Derrick Henry and Ricardo Lewis who scored a combined 7 pts. Henry is just another in a long line of Alabama RB’s to disappoint.
Of note Schiano probably wants Zeke’s court case to now be held over until the offseason as if it gets settled anytime between now and week 14 Shiano’s losses him for parts of or all of our playoffs.
5-2 Loose Bandits (223.91) – 3-4 Chalupa Batman (173.49)
Well it looks like Amari Cooper put the final nail in the Chalupa’s season and helped the Bandits lock down the top score of the week. As after his 11 catch, 220 yds and 2 TDs the Batman declared the “Firesale” was on in earnest. The Bandits studs showed up this week as Julio and the Bandits B’s (Brees, Bell, Brown and Blake) scored 95+. The Chalupas were led by former Bandit Ted Ginn Jr and his 17.74 pts. They also got a pair of 16.5 pt games from LBs. This win widens the gap for the Bandits in their quest for their first Divison title.
3-4 Deadly Nagintas (174.71) – 3-4 Fear Boners (172.32)
This matchup featured each GM leaving a 30 pt QB on the bench, however Roddy was indeed correct in saying that he’d get the 35 pts in the Sunday night game. It took all 60 minutes and the MFL end game stat edit of TFL to get there. Roddy won despite having 4 players on offence score under 2 pts thanks in part to his defence averaging 11.75 pts a player, a marked improvement over his outing just weeks ago. The Boners were led by the KKK this week, Kendricks, Kirksey and Kelce but alas this loss and lack of a scoring VP have them in a 3 way tie for the final playoff spot.
2-5 What Does John Fox Say (181.99) – 3-4 Knuckle Ballers (174.09)
The playoff spot in the Taco Crap sorry Corp changed hands after this matchup, with the Foxes winning thanks to a big Monday night by Kirk Cousins, who he had to play thanks to byes for Watson and Stafford. Other notable performances included Mark Ingram (maybe not all Alabama RBs are bad) and Tyreek Hill. The Ballers got a great game out of Dak and Lavonte David. David started after Conrod got called out in this column last week. But even that coaching move won’t save him from netting that same award … more on that later.
3-4 Rex in the City (150.37) – 1-6 Endzone Dancers (116.64)
This matchup of the 2 teams most likely to fight for the plates was pitiful. Rex wins despite having the 2nd lowest score of the week. Rex was led by his TEs this week, but to be picky he actually should have started 3 of them. Also Anthony Barr followed up his KO of A-Rod with another solid week. The Dancers lineup might have been better suited to have a go on DWTS. No real highlights for them when only 3 player go over the 10 pt mark.
Week 6 Awards
Offensive Player of the Week
Amari Cooper (Fast & Loose Bandits) – Cooper’s 38.5 pt night gets the nod over the on/off/on/off suspended Zeke. Nobody including myself saw 220 and 2 from Cooper. Sorry, Schiano!
Defensive Player of the Week
Zach Brown (Tom Selleck’s Moustache) – Brown’s line of 10 tackles, 3 assists, 1 FF, 4 tackles for loss and 1.5 sacks gave him 28.25 in the Stache’s loss.
*Honorable Mention goes to Fear Boner’s Kendricks and Kirksey who would have been my twin DPW had it not been for Browns Monday night performance.
Rookie of the Week
Evan Engram (Rex in the City) – In a down week for rookies, Engram put up 6 catches for 60 yds and a TD.
Goat of the Week
Martavis Bryant (Fear Boners) – His 1, 2, 3 for 1 pt (1 catch, 2 yds rushing, 3 yds receiving) in a matchup decided by 2.39 pts seals the deal. Maybe Bryant needs to stop whining and start producing.
Pickup of the Week
Adrian Amos (The Long Snappers) – 11.5 pt performance albeit in a losing cause was the best of the bunch.
Bench Player of the Week
Derek Carr (Fear Boners) and Carson Wentz (Deadly Nagintas) – These QBs in the same matchup both put up 30 pts while firmly seated on the bench. Carr would have changed the outcome even if Roddy played Wentz.
Bonehead Coaching Move of the Week
Knuckle Ballers – Leaving Latavis Murray on the bench and playing 2 TEs was the difference between a W and an L. The 14 pts swing created had Knucks played Murray over Ed Dickson, who Conrod declared was the lead back in Minny following the Cook knee injury just a few weeks ago, would have kept The Ballers in 1st place in the Taco Crap, sorry Corp, division.
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