Week 5 was lacking some serious drama with the closest match-up being 12 points on top of not being a division week. There were definitely some surprises with the Snappers and Dancers picking up victories over the Bandits and Idiots respectively. With the Bandits loss, the Senor Crabs division got a whole lot more interesting, with all 4 teams within 2 points of the division lead. It’s looking like the teams to beat are in the Yobagoya division where one team very well could end up the second best team in the league, yet go into the playoffs as the 4 seed. There were a couple more significant injuries (including the #1 startup pick at the time), which could bring one of those top teams back to the pack a bit. Bye weeks are really going to cause havoc with lineups over the next few weeks, and depth will really begin to be a factor. It could cause some serious wheeling and dealing in the coming weeks.
Matchups
2-3 Fear Boners (181.93) – 1-4 Rex in the City (140.61)
The Boners picked up their 2nd straight win, handily beating the Rexes and firmly getting themselves back into the playoff race. Big games from Cam Newton and Vontaze Burfict were key to the victory, with several other decent contributions. The win may have come at a cost if Devante Parker is out for any significant length of time. The Rexes weren’t good by any stretch of the imagination with Mike Wallace being their top scorer with fewer than 15 points. The Rexes are back to starting 3 TE, which usually isn’t a good sign for your roster. Evan Engram took a zero in this one but he may be one of Eli’s only options going forward, so this could be the last time that happens for a while.
5-0 Tom Selleck’s Moustache (219.22) – 3-2 Knuckle Ballers (154.40)
The Stache continue to roll, this week knocking off the Taco Corp leading Ballers despite not even having a starting quarterback. The Stache had 11 players go over 10 points with Melvin Gordon turning in a player of the week performance. The season-ending injury to Odell Beckham is a huge hit, but this squad might have the horses to weather this storm. The Ballers had an up and down week with some solid performances and some dreadful ones. There has been lots of talk about Cohen and Diggs recently and both were monster disappointments this week.
4-1 San Juan Bananas (194.77) – 2-3 Deadly Nagintas (179.87)
The Bananas continued to establish themselves as a championship contender with their 4th straight win and 4th straight game finishing in the top 4 in scoring. The Bananas WR and DB were the highlight of the week, especially a huge game from AJ Green. The Carlos Hyde development could make things difficult for the Bananas in the coming weeks. The Nagintas were rather pedestrian in this one, but picked up a VP, mainly thanks to another great performance from their #1 rookie pick, Leonard Fournette. The Nagintas have to hope to get a number of their injured players back soon or they’ll be right back at the bottom of the Senor Crabs standings.
3-2 Chalupa Batman (200.70) – 1-4 What Does John Fox Say (183.71)
The Chalupas outlasted WDJFS with a big Monday night performance from Jerick McKinnon who was on the trade block all week. Imagine how different the standings could have been had someone pulled the trigger on a deal. The defence was solid for the Chalupas as well, making up for a lousy performance from their WR. It was a pretty good week for WDJFS as they picked up 2 VP, but not quite good enough. Starting a DB that didn’t play, and leaving some big performances on the bench prevented them from joining the Ballers at the top of the division. Getting Myles Garrett back could give Scotty a pair of DL to rival the league’s best.
1-4 Endzone Dancers (173.83) – 3-2 Greg Schiano is an Idiot (137.02)
The Dancers picked up their first win of the season, handing the Idiots their second straight defeat in the process. The Dancers won despite only rolling with 8 offensive players this week, which Dan must have felt bad about, as he started an LB that didn’t play. Aaron Jones put up solid numbers in his first real action, while Telvin Smith was the defensive player of the week. It was a really ugly week for the Idiots, with only 4 players reaching double digits, while 4 others didn’t crack 3 points. This line up could be seriously tested in upcoming bye weeks.
2-3 Long Snappers (162.69) – 3-2 Loose Bandits (150.94)
The Snappers picked up a close victory and got themselves back within 1 point of a playoff spot, knocking off the Bandits. This one was pretty ugly all around, as both teams had some awful performances. Fortunately for the Snappers, they were just a little less shitty. Will Fuller was their best player on the week. We’ve been saying all along the Bandits could be in serious trouble in Bye weeks, and it appears we were correct as they were downright awful without Brees and Julio in the lineup. Their replacements managed a combined 3.56 points. They should be alright now until Week 9 when they’ll be without Bell and Brown in a key divisional week.
Week 5 Awards
Offensive Player of the Week
Melvin Gordon (Tom Selleck’s Moustache) – Gordon had a big game with over 160 yards from scrimmage and 2 touchdowns.
Defensive Player of the Week
Telvin Smith (Endzone Dancers) – Back to back weeks for Jags linebackers. Smith, like Jack, found the endzone on a turnover in this one, to go along with solid tackle numbers.
Rookie of the Week
Leonard Fournette (Deadly Nagintas) – Fournette goes back to back to match Kareem Hunt. It’s going to be a fun race for ROTY this season.
Goat of the Week
Amari Cooper (Loose Bandits) – Cooper has generally been awful all year, and he continues to cost the Bandits. When you’re supposed to be a stud and only manage one catch for 8 yards in a close loss, you’re the goat.
Pickup of the Week
Anthony Zettel (Deadly Nagintas) – The Nagintas continue to revamp the defence via waivers and hit the nail on the head with this one. He’s apparently worth a 2nd round pick now.
Bench Player of the Week
Carson Wentz (Deadly Nagintas) – Wentz had a huge game against the Cardinals, and would have been the 4th highest scoring starter on the week.
Bonehead Coaching Move of the Week
Scott McKay (Endzone Dancers) – Scootie is back in his rightful place as the Bonehead of the Week, starting only 8 offensive players for the 2nd straight week, and taking the fines and penalties as a result.
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