They are who we thought they were…and unlike Denny Green’s Cardinals, we didn’t let them off the hook. After a Week 1 performance caused plenty of boasting on the league message board, the Taco Corp were put back in their place in Week 2, going a collective 0-4 and picking up a total 3 (of 16) victory points. I stick by my statement that only one team from that shitshow of a division is making the playoffs. The other 2 divisions shared the wealth taking 3 wins apiece, with the Snappers and Boners still searching for their first victory of the season. Is it a coincidence that they’ve suffered probably the 2 biggest injuries so far this year? Probably not. Onto the recap!
Matchups
2-0 Greg Schiano is an Idiot (193.08) – 1-1 What Does John Fox Say (185.89)
The Idiots kept pace at the top of the Yobagoya with a solid win over WDJFS. The Idiots picked up the win with some serious help from unexpected sources. With Zeke doing next to nothing, Chris Thompson, Jermaine Kearse, and Ramon Humber all had big games to push the team to victory. WDJFS had a couple big performances at WR, but when 11 of your guys score in the single digits it is tough to pull off wins. WDJFS managed to pick up a scoring VP however and now find themselves in the Taco Corp lead. Scotty is going to pull whatever strings he can to get rid of the plate covers this season.
2-0 Tom Selleck’s Moustache (179.38) – 0-2 Rex in the City (124.53)
The Stache are looking pretty slick after a solid beat-down of the Rexes (and an SPN Provincial Championship to boot). They continue to win with offensive consistency, as 7 of 9 starters on that side of the ball put up double digits. The defense will have to pick it up if the Stache want to be involved in Igloo Bowl IV. The good news is the Rexes outscored their awful Week 1; The bad news is it was by barely a point and they were still the worst in the league. There isn’t much good to say about the Rexes in this one. Let’s go with Jason Witten may have put up the final 20 point week in his fantasy career.
2-0 Chalupa Batman (165.89) – 0-2 Long Snappers (153.02)
The Chalupas had a bit of a down week, but the schedule makers were kind, as the Snappers were even worse. They have faced the easiest schedule so far for any team that hasn’t faced the Rexes. How do you win while only have 6 players in double digits? Face someone that only had 5 players reach the mark. Kareem Hunt continues to be a revelation for the Chalupas and is still firmly entrenched in the driver’s seat for ROTY. Who would have thought the Snappers would be led by their running backs at any point this season? Injuries have given some of their guys an opportunity and they’ve run with it. Unfortunately, the rest of the team dropped a giant steamer on the field, and they’re now 0-2.
1-1 San Juan Bananas (221.34) – 0-2 Fear Boners (167.70)
The Bananas rode the top score of the week to top the Boners in this phallic showdown. The Bananas were solid pretty much across the board, with Gronk and Jordan Poyer leading the way with at least 20 points each. The win and full VP on the week keeps them from falling too far behind the division leaders in the Yobagoya, in what is turning out to be a solid battle for the crown. The Boners had another rough week, and things aren’t looking great with the Jordan Howard injury. The Boners have gone from having two top 5 RB, to potentially none until Howard can get healthy, which may be too late for this squad in a tough Senor Frogs division.
1-1 Deadly Nagintas (195.66) – 0-2 Endzone Dancers (190.13)
The Nagintas rebounded in week 2, slashing the Dancers in a close victory, which saw both teams score in the top 4 and take the extra scoring VP. A pissed off Tom Brady got off to a hot start and paced the squad with a 30 point performance, and 10 others managed double digits in the win. The Dancers put up a good fight late with CJ Anderson and Ty Montgomery both having huge games later on Sunday, but it wasn’t enough as the donut from Charcandrick West proved costly. Scott must not have seen Kareem Hunt play in Week 1. That’s the only explanation I can think of for starting him.
2-0 Loose Bandits (166.15) – 1-1 Knuckle Ballers (159.22)
The Bandits did just enough in Week 2 to hold off the Ballers in a craptastic match-up that came down to the Monday nighter. Mo’s Abdullah and a DE managed to outscore Golden Tate (who doesn’t give a shit about your fantasy team – thanks, Martellus Bennett Jr.) and pulled out the win to remain tied for the division lead with the Chalupas. Mo somehow managed to leave a pile of points on his bench, as 8 of 18 starters were sub-optimal. The Ballers had 8 guys score 5.25 or fewer points on the week. That’s never a recipe for success. Were they resting on their Week 1 laurels or trying to teach the GM a lesson in hubris? Your guess is as good as mine.
Week 2 Awards
Offensive Player of the Week
Tom Brady (Deadly Nagintas) – Timmy Brady mother-fuckas! Brady put up over 20 fantasy points in the first quarter and coasted the rest of the way. This could have been one for the ages if the game was closer.
Defensive Player of the Week
Jordan Poyer (San Juan Bananas) – Poyer had himself a big day against the Panthers with 11 combined tackles, 3PD and even threw in a sack for good measure.
Rookie of the Week
Kareem Hunt (Chalupa Batman) – This is looking like it could be a common occurrence most of the season unless one of the big 4 backs routinely drafted ahead of him pick up steam.
Goat of the Week
Charcandrick West (Endzone Dancers) – In all fairness, he probably shouldn’t have been in the lineup, but he was and he scored 0 points in a tight matchup.
Pickup of the Week
Jermaine Kearse (Greg Schiano is an Idiot) – The Jets are awful and are going to have to throw the ball constantly. Kearse sucks, but he’s the best they have.
Bench Player of the Week
Ziggy Ansah (Loose Bandits) – Just one of the many solid performances Mo left on the bench this week. He would have been DPOTW had he been in the line-up, he was that good.
Bonehead Coaching Move of the Week
Scott McKay (Endzone Dancers) – See Goat of the Week.
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