The off-season is officially over and we are through round 1 of divisional match ups. It was a rough week across the NFL and a low-scoring fantasy week everywhere. Hopefully, the football improves quickly and the scores start to climb. It’s also been a rough week for a couple EBFL teams as they’ve lost first round start-up talents for likely the entirety of the fantasy season. The Taco Corp managed to have 2 teams in the top 4 in scoring for probably the first time in 2 seasons, and have been crowned the Week 1 Champions. It’s fitting the division has multiple Jets fans, as that sounds very familiar to how that team acted when beating the Patriots early in the season. Ultimately, it’s meaningless.
Matchups
1-0 Greg Schiano is an Idiot (157.77) – 0-1 San Juan Bananas (150.97)
The Idiots pulled out the important divisional win in what was a lacklustre performance. Most weeks a 157 would get you stomped, but it was enough this week against the bruised Bananas. Alex Smith was the unlikely hero, putting up over 30 points against the Patriots to kick off his likely final season in KC. The LB corps was also solid in victory, while Josh Doctson put up a doughnut. Those young WRs are going to have to pick up their games quickly if the Idiots plan to be a playoff team. Well other than Kevin White…he done. Jeremy Maclin was likely the only offensive player Bobber could be happy with, as the supposed stud TE combined for about 10 points and Marshall and Benjamin couldn’t even crack 5 between them.
1-0 Tom Selleck’s Moustache (216.37) – 0-1 Long Snappers (160.69)
The Stache kicked off their title defense by cruising to an easy win over the Snappers, as the Yobagoya looks to give the Taco Corp a run for their money this season. Outside of Dareus and Hooker, Smitty has to be pleased with how the rest of the lineup performed. There weren’t any monster performances, just consistency throughout the lineup. The Snappers season may have been shredded like an ARob ACL this week, taking the divisional loss and losing a key starter in the process. But hey, those LB are great…maybe they’ll carry them to a 11th place finish.
1-0 Chalupa Batman (173.89) – 0-1 Deadly Nagintas (135.78)
The Chalupas continue their ownership of the Nagintas with an easy victory in Kareem Hunt’s coming out party. Hunt laid down the gauntlet in the race for 2017 EBFL Rookie of the Year, and possibly even Offensive Player of the Year. Outside of Hunt and Brandon Graham, the Chalupas can’t be happy with many performances, and they’ll have to be a lot better if they want to take their 3rd division straight division title. The Nagintas were expecting a rough start without their top offensive and defensive players, but not this rough. The defense contributed next to nothing in the loss. The only bright spot for the Nagintas were their rookie runners. If only Jay Gruden treated fumbles like Andy Reid, they may have 3 stud rookie backs to roll out every week.
1-0 Loose Bandits (163.85) – 0-1 Fear Boners (149.53)
The Bandits came away victorious in their first game of the season. The Bandits were led, as usual, by Antonio Brown in the victory. The RB position has to be a concern for this squad with high playoff aspirations. Leveon Bell should come around once he shakes off the rust from his holdout, but beyond that, it’s not pretty. The Boners took a big hit, losing reigning EBFL Offensive Player of the Year, David Johnson to a major injury. He may be back in time for the fantasy playoffs, but without him, can the Boners even get there? Jarrad Davis and Derron Lee were great this week, but they’ll need everyone else to step up to bounce back in Week 2.
1-0 What Does John Fox Say (194.80) – 0-1 Endzone Dancers (167.47)
WDJFS got out to a great start with a 4 pointer with the win over the Dancers. Tyreek Hill had a stellar game, and the rebuilt defense carried the team to a win in the Battle of Scotts. It was an up and down week for the Dancers, as they got a handful of solid performances to go along with a handful of dreadful performances. While they managed to pick up a victory point in the loss, they don’t have the talent or the depth to make that a regular habit and should be in the bottom 4 of scoring on a pretty regular basis.
1-0 Knuckle Ballers (178.66) – 0-1 Rex in the City (123.24)
The Ballers put up a below league average score but ended up with a win and 4 victory points this week. Apparently, that means the Taco Corp is for real this season. It was more than likely a fluke, but I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Stephon Diggs was the highest scorer for the Ballers, and they had some decent contributions at LB. The Rexes, on the other hand, were the worst team in the league in Week 1, and it could be a long rebuilding season in Rexville. A third of the starting lineup couldn’t even manage more than 2.5 points. How the mighty have fallen.
Week 1 Awards
Offensive Player of the Week
Kareem Hunt (Chalupa Batman) – After a fumble on his first carry, Hunt made Andy Reid’s patience pay off with a huge performance that included almost 250 yards and 3 TDs.
Defensive Player of the Week
BJ Goodson (Long Snappers) – Does this mean the Giants actually have a solid MLB or was it just a big week as a result of playing Dallas and their running attack?
Rookie of the Week
Kareem Hunt (Chalupa Batman) – See above.
Goat of the Week
Brandon Marshall (San Juan Bananas) – Everything lined up for a big game from Marshall, but he only managed one short catch late, likely costing the Bananas a 1-0 start.
Pickup of the Week
N/A – Not going to bother with this Week 1.
Bench Player of the Week
Tarik Cohen (Knuckle Ballers) – He was technically on the Taxi Squad, but in a shitty week, we’ll give it to him.
Bonehead Coaching Move of the Week
N/A – I didn’t see too many stupid choices this week.
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