We’re now just over a third of the way into the 2016 regular season, and for the most part, the standings are shaping up as one would expect, looking at the overall scoring, with the exception of the Taco Corp where the 3rd lowest scoring team in the entire league is leading the division. I think we can chalk that up to some serious schedule luck. The Bandits continue to cruise and are now our only unbeaten squad, as the Bananas record took its first bruise. At the other end of the spectrum, we have WDJFS, who are still searching for their first VP.
Matchups
4-1 Endzone Dancers (186.02) – 1-4 Deadly Nagintas (146.92)
The Dancers put up only their 2nd score over 175 this season, but still managed to pick up their 4th win, and are the first team from the Taco Corp to ever take down the Nagintas in the regular season (the Rexes have a title game win). TY Hilton and Tyrell Williams were the key cogs in the victory, with the Nagintas lousy D performance making it a blow-out. The Nagintas have easily the worst defensive line in the league this season, and it’s costing them valuable victory points. The Dancers take over the division lead with the win, but it’s still a 3 team race for one playoff spot over in the Taco Corp.
4-1 Chalupa Batman (153.15) – 0-5 What Does John Fox Say (141.63)
The Chalupas catch a break, posting a craptastic week while facing WDJFS, where a craptastic week still usually means victory. The Chalupas now have the 2nd most VP in the league, but would have to settle for the 4th seed if the playoffs started today, thanks to being in the strongest division in the league. The Chalupas defensive backs were the only real bright spot in the win. WDJFS continues to cruise towards the Frittata Bowl with another defeat, despite their opponent doing sweet dick all. Had they not blown up the squad so early, they could potentially be in the thick of the Taco Corp race at this point. They also have the most bench points in the entire league. If Scotty owned his own first, we’d have to accuse him of tanking, but he doesn’t, so we’ll just say he’s a shitty manager.
2-3 Greg Schiano is an Idiot (176.14) – 2-3 Rex in the City (166.21)
The Idiots picked up their 2nd win of the season and handed the Rexes their 3rd straight defeat in the process. Ezekial Elliot is looking like the eventual ROTY, going for over 30 points and making up for the Michael Floyd donut on Thursday night. The Rexes weren’t bad, but they weren’t good enough, with only one defensive player reaching double digits (and they barely made it). These two squads could end up fighting to stay out of that final FB position as the season winds down.
5-0 Loose Bandits (178.28) – 1-4 Long Snappers (134.83)
Another week, another win for the Bandits, as they throttle the Snappers despite a lacklustre performance. The Bandits are still the class of the league (on the field), and their pass catchers are tops in the circuit. This week was no exception as Brown, Cooper, and Walker all had big games. On the other hand, you have the Snappers with a grand total of 4.38 points from their wideouts, which were supposed to be a top unit in the league if you listened to the pre-season bluster. That 1st round pick for Devin Funchess could turn out to even up the scales on the ARob/Sankey deal from a couple seasons ago.
3-2 Fear Boners (207.38) – 3-2 Tom Selleck’s Moustache (184.61)
The computers keep shitting on the Boners, and the Boners keep making them look stupid, this time waxing the Stache with the 2nd highest score in the league. The Boners picked up the offensive and defensive player of the week awards and got a couple other big games as well. This was a tough loss for the Stache, but they did manage to pick up 2 VP to keep pace in their division. Their LB scored alright as a unit, but leaving Malcolm Smith in the line-up will cost them, now and possibly down the road.
2-3 Knuckle Ballers (216.40) – 4-1 San Juan Bananas (174.25)
The Ballers went ham on the Bananas with a surprise high score, to put themselves squarely in the division race. Who would have thought a squad relying on Davante Adams, Sammie Coates, and Jaquizz Rodgers would be laying the smack down on one of the league’s best. Having Tom Brady back could make things interesting down in the Taco Corp. The Bananas were decent, but not good, and the defense was the culprit. An inactive Shazier and a crappy DL spelled defeat. The Bananas still remain in the division lead, and look to get back on track this week with the Rexes.
Week 5 Awards
Offensive Player of the Week
David Johnson (Fear Boners) – A monster Thursday game from DJ, with 185 yards from scrimmage, 3 grabs and a pair of rushing TDs.
Defensive Player of the Week
Christian Kirksey (Fear Boners) – Nothing fancy from Kirksey in this one, just a pile of tackles, with 11 solo and 3 assists.
Rookie of the Week
Zeke Elliott (Greg Schiano is an Idiot) – Zeke gets a leg up in the ROTY race with a great day. Only trailed DJ by 14 total yards.
Goat of the Week
Jeremy Hill (What Does John Fox Say) – Playing against the soft Dallas run defense, Hill only managed 12 yards.
Pickup of the Week
Cam Meredith (Greg Schiano is an Idiot) – Probably meaningless long term, but a monster week from this nobody. No one started did much to talk about…I may just get rid of this altogether.
Bench Player of the Week
Tevin Coleman (Deadly Nagintas) – The Nagintas bought into the sickle cell issues limiting Coleman’s playing time. Whoops.
Bonehead Coaching Move of the Week
Dan Moore (Greg Schiano is an Idiot) – Sitting Deone Buchannon for the likes of Josh McNary? That or Bobber starting Ryan Shazier.
Playoff Odds
- Loose Bandits (98.9%) —
- Deadly Nagintas (91.3%) +2
- San Juan Bananas (84.7%) -1
- Greg Schiano is an Idiot (75.4%) -1
- Knuckle Ballers (68.3%) +4
- Endzone Dancers (49.7%) +2
- Chalupa Batman (42.8%) -2
- Long Snappers (35.2%) -2
- Tom Selleck’s Moustache (22.7%) +1
- Rex in the City (19.4%) -3
- What Does John Fox Say (9.2%) —
- Fear Boners (2.4%) —
I can’t even comment on this nonsense now. Two teams that are currently headed for the Frittata Bowl sitting in the top 4.
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