The final selection has been made in the 3rd Annual Eskimo Bros Football League Rookie Draft (Congrats to TJ Green on being Mr. Irrelevant), and it’s time for the annual rite of passage in dynasty leagues: Shitting on other teams and their picks. As is the norm, it was a very active few days, with 14 trades completed after the draft officially started, coming short of the record 17 during last season’s draft.
Following the same format as the 2015 Draft Recap, we hit up GM’s across the league for their take on their own draft, as well as the picks of another team. So without further adieu, your 2016 Rookie Draft Recap.
What Does John Fox Say
Scott: Once again Wdjfs seemed to weasel in and get some picks in the first round of this years draft. All in all team management is pretty happy with how the draft picks went. Sterling Shepard looks to be a quality receiver with some extra value due to ppr. Henry is a monster and only a matter of time before Demarco either continues his downward trend or ends up on IR, but for now it will likely be a messy fantasy situation for both myself and the Rexes when projecting the Titans backfield week to week. Pharoah Cooper or whatever his name is has one of the coolest names in the draft and went to a team with a solid running game, a brand new qb and I’m hoping maybe they find some chemistry.
Rick (Nagintas): As usual Scotty was the catalyst for a fair bit of the trade action in the draft, with 7 deals once the draft got rolling, and oddly enough, most of them involving TE. When all was said and done, he ended up making 3 selections, and I can’t fault him for any of them. I preferred Shepard to Thomas as well, so had I stayed at 5, that was likely the move I would have made, and Henry was a decent pick at 7, even if he’s behind Murray to start. Pharoh Cooper is an interesting selection, as the Rams really don’t have anyone locked into the WR position beyond 2016, so there’s plenty of opportunity for a guy that played well in the tough SEC. He may be considered a steal down the road. While I liked what Scotty did in the draft, I wasn’t a huge fan of his trade of the 1.01 prior to the draft. He could have locked down another young stud RB to pair with Gurley and build his team around, and instead grabbed a bunch of older guys that aren’t going to be fantasy relevant beyond 2016 (except Winston, but QB aren’t that pricey).
Loose Bandits
Mo: After finishing the season by winning the extra draft pick and holding 11 draft picks, I decided that it would be best to bundle some of my later round picks to gain an extra 1st round pick and ended up with 5 of the top 14 selections. With 1.02 I gambled after WWJFD took Gurley with 1.01 that I had an outside chance at Gordon with 1.04 so I took the top receiver on the board (Cooper) … things didn’t work out and I also got White (#2 receiver). With those in the books, I hoped my fallback option at running back would make it through to 1.09. I took TJ Yeldon, whom I had rated just behind Gordon and a great pairing to go with last years 2nd round selection of Blake Bortles. With those selections in the books I thought it best to see what options were available for trade. I secured 2 extra 1st rounders for next year and still was able to secure the other player I really wanted in Jaelen Strong. There was at least 1 person that was not happy to see him come off the board. My chances going forward this year and next will largely depend on how my 4 top picks perform. My favourite pick was adding Denzel Perryman to my defence as I see him putting up tackles in the AFC west with 3 teams that want to run the ball. I was sad to see Devante Davis go off the board at 5.06 after trading back to 5.07 as its never a bad idea to stash a Chip Kelly WR but the trades to move up a round next year will help me continue in my pursuit of building my team with key young talent.
Bryan (Boners): The Bandits added some nice potential pieces to the offense. Strong and Cooper should make an immediate impact at receiver for their respective teams. White has all of the physical tools to replace Brandon Marshall, but has the misfortune of having Jay Cutler throw him the ball (at least for now). Perryman and Gardiner could be nice picks. Yeldon is an improvement over OW Denard Robinson, and should be able to put up decent numbers in year 1. Overall, this is a draft that could solidify the Bandits on offense for the next few years.
Endzone Dancers
Scott: I went into the draft with my team in need of top end WR talent and had picks 1.03, 2.03, 2.08, 2.09 and 3 3rd rounders after spending a number of picks prior to draft day on Bridgewater, Johnson and others. I picked the best player available at 1.03 even though it was a RB in Gordon and wasn’t able to make a trade to get into the mid 1st to acquire some of my targeted WR. I hoped that another WR target would fall to me at 2.03 which did not pan out. At that point, I decided change direction a little and acquire a top tier WR via trade and to stockpile 2016 picks. I made a trade and acquired Hilton and a 1st in 2016 for 2.03, Hyde, Floyd and pick 2.09. I was able to gain another 2016 1st by trading the 2.08 pick and Snappers 2016 2nd and 3rd picks (which I am banking on being in the top half of the rounds) by trading 3.03 and 3.10. I selected Artis-Payne at 3.07 to sit on my TS for a year until he becomes the heir to the Carolina RB job. At the end of the day, I upgraded my club, although not as much as I had hoped I would, to be somewhat competitive in 2015 through the addition of Hilton and Gordon as well as having the strength to improve in 2016 through the number of potential high round draft picks that were acquired.
Sean (Chalupas): The EZD squad definitely has his sights set on the 2016 draft. During this year’s draft, Endzone made 4 trades that involved draft picks. He moved 3 2015 picks for upgraded picks for 2016. Going into 2016 EZD has 6 picks in the first 2 rounds as well as the Snappers 3rd, which should be near the very top of that round. EZD will be a big player in the 2016 draft. As for the 2 picks taken, they both fill a need for the Dancers. He addressed his running back position by picking Melvin Gordon, who should be a solid producer from the start. The pick of Artis-Payne was a nice gamble as the Carolina RB situation can change drastically with a Johnathan Stewart injury, and if history tells us anything there is a good chance of that happening. As for the moves on draft week, I was very down on his deal he made with Schiano. He gave up two very good pieces in Hyde and Floyd, as well as two 2nds in this draft to get Hilton and a 2016 1st. This is the second time that TY Hilton has been part of a lob-sided trade. EZD better hope that Hyde has the lead back jitters and that the Nagintas have a terrible 2015 season.
Fear Boners
Bryan: I feel like I had a pretty decent draft. I like the defenders I added at the end of the draft, and they should be able to help in a year or 2 and replace some of my older starters. DeVante Parker should be able to put up some decent numbers for the Miami Fear Boners. I feel like I should be able to get some production in the future from one my 3 mid round picks at RB, although I had to skip over Ajayi, who I really liked, since I didn’t want 4 offensive players from Miami.
Mike (Rexes): I think if they ever make a sequel to Draft Day it should be about Fear Boners and call it Draft Day 2: The GM Sonny Weaver Forgot to flush. Not saying he had a shitty draft, just saying the rest of the leagues GM’s are miles above him. I heard he has been reading Al Davis’s book Draft to Success. Fear is hoping to catch lightning in a bottle with one of his 3 RB’s he drafted. I do however like his Randy Gregory pick but I am a defense first guy.
Tom Selleck’s Moustache
Ryan: Drafted Nelson with my first pick with hopes that he will be another OBJ for me, and love his chances to be starting right off the hop. Drafted a QB with my next pick to fuck over people trying to draft a QB…lol. Also like the Wilson style of play and should be good in Tennessee. Needed a DE with my last pick was mad that Leonard got sniped but I was happy with Armstead.
Rob (Ballers): Taking the highest rated player available at 1.06, Agholor will join the likes of Cobb and OBJ and a bunch of 3rd tier WRs. It’s a great pick. I just feel my 5 year old daughter could have made this pick….blind folded. Will Agholor settle in nicely now that Maclin is gone? Will he fit in Chip Kelly joke of a scheme? Only time and his skin tone will tell. Ryan took Mariota at 2.04 after Shiano’s pulled the trigger on Winston. Lucky for him he got the better out of the two. Does he need him? Fuck no he doesn’t….he has Luck and Romo FFS!!! Greedy prick couldn’t have let him go a few more picks eh…..or traded down to 2.07? With his final pick TSM took a much needed DE, Armstead. A sizable lad with an OK vertical. Missing out on the top rated DE, Williams, by 2 picks. Armstead will fit nicely in San Francisco…still no Williams tho. So suck it!
Chalupa Batman
Sean: I set out to rebuild on a roster that I felt was near the top of the table, but had some holes and was aging. I made a few trades in the offseason to acquire youth and picks with 2016 being an important draft. I focused on acquiring more value picks in what many thought was a “weak” draft. I started the process with 7 picks total with 5 in the first 2 rounds and finished with 11 total picks. One downside to my draft is that I wanted to focus on getting better at WR but only ended up with 1 top option as I was unable to trade into the top 8. Other than that, I am happy with this draft and with 11 rookies, it increases my chances of success from this draft going forward.
Scott (WDJFS): First off, I gotta give Chalupa his props for being aggressive and always willing to deal, unlike a few of you tight $*%&’s in our league that would rather look up tranny porn and shove their thumbs up there asses, as they pretend that that buck-toothed huge cocked tranny on the screen would grace their poop shoots with the pleasure of a huge dong in them. But anyways…Chalupa had a solid draft nabbing 2 running backs I really like in Ajayi and Abdullah. Dorsett is a bit of a wildcard as the Colts move forward but I think he can be productive and help Chalupa stay in the middle of the pack, where I expect the Batmans to be for eternity. All in all solid draft Chalupa, and thanks for being active in our league unlike some of these other fuckers.
Long Snappers
Greg: Finally after a long lay off, the draft came in time to stop the urge of doing a boring trade. We got a scare when all of our guys were almost taken in the 1st round, except Johnson. Thanks Batman! Not knowing who to pick with 2.01, Bandits came along with an offer that we couldn’t turn down, that had a 2017 top 2 pick in deal. At 2.06, we snapped up Conley, who is the most athletic freak wr of this class. Moving into the meat and potatos of the 3rd round, grabbing the next Lynch at 3.02 and getting 3 stud talents all in a row. Then hit the slot machine jackpot with Hardy at 3.06. In the 4th round we got bored and got back into draft taking Waller who will take over for Perriman, that won’t ever learn how to catch a football and will be a bust. All in all Snappers had the best draft in the league. See you bitches later this season when Snappers is winning matchups!
Ryan (Stache): Don’t know what Snappers did…lol. Didn’t look, but fuck him hahaha he sucks lol! Go moustaches!!!
Knuckle Ballers
Rob: Happy with my WR picks. I feel Coates won’t have too hard of a time taking targets away from Wheaton…even if I’m wrong I’m comfortable with the fact that he will be useful in a year or so. Smith has a similar fate in NYJ. Behind the #2 Decker, the awful #3 Kerley and and last years 4th round pick, Shaq Evans, there’s a boom or bust lingering for this year, and he will ripen on my bench. Out of all my WR picks, Diggs has the most potential to be a #3 starting candidate. Both Johnson and Patterson’s presence don’t worry me….but again, he will stay on my TS until he heats up. Williams was a no brainer. I believe he was the first DL picked up. I needed the addition to my line. Vic Beasley will be a welcomed addition in my over populated defensive backfield. Trades will be made to help my safety consistency.
Shaun (Bananas): Only 4 picks to work with, but made the most of the first two picks. Really like the Perkins pick, and I feel he has a legit shot to be a contributor in year 1. Also grabbed one of the top LB’s in the draft in Jack, at 2.13. The later picks left a little to be desired with TE Jerrel Adams at 4.05 and QB Dak Prescott at 5.09. I guess with only two QB’s on the roster and one an aging Brady, Ballers felt the need to grab a QB with one of the later selections…although drafting a QB at 2.13 would have gave him his choice of Goff, Wentz, or Lynch…then at 4.05 could have grabbed a LB like Deion Jones or Ragland.
Greg Schiano is an Idiot
Dan: I was very happy with my draft. Zeke will be a stud right away and is the runaway favourite for ROY. Doctson was my 2nd guy on the board so I was happy to scoop him up at 3rd overall. At 1.07 if I had to stick and pick I was going to take Booker. Instead I traded down to 2.01 and took him there. The trade down netted me a solid TE2 with TE1 upside in Dwayne Allen. With no Fleener in town he should see more volume. Traded back into the mid-3rd to get the best QB in the draft in Goff. With my last 4 picks I took 3 RBs who all can catch the ball really well so hopefully they can carve out a role on their teams. North is a HUGE target with some athleticism for Goff to work with. If 1 of those last 4 picks hit I’ll be happy. I also added 2 3rds and 4th in future draft years while giving up 0 future picks. All in all I was very happy to get my #1+2 RBs, #1 WR and #1QB with my first 4 picks.
Sean (Chalupas): After having a very successful 2015 season, and setting many league records, Schiano lost in the semi-finals to the eventual winner. He decided to blow up his roster and go on a youth movement. Schiano traded Julio Jones and a pile of veterans to obtain 3 first round picks, Kevin White, Jerick McKinnon as well as depth picks to replace what he sold in past years and to help lead the rebuild. Very solid draft for Dan as he picked up an RB1, potential WR1 and QB1, as well as lots of youth in trades. The rebuild is moving forward, and with this draft and the youth on his roster, he should contend for a play-off spot and set himself up for success in later years.
San Juan Bananas
Shaun: Started out with 5 picks…made 5 picks. Had a player targeted with the 1.08 pick, but that player was gone, so moved off the pick to obtain a player (Jordan Reed) that will help this year. With the additional picks added a defensive player at each position (all drafted in the top 10 of the actual NFL draft). As well as a QB prospect who was once highly touted and a WR who has big time measurables. Overall, I’m happy with how the draft turned out for the Bananas even though we didn’t obtain any high end offensive talent.
Dan (Idiots): Bobber’s first draft pick wasn’t till 36 overall after trading his 1.08, a 2017 3rd and 2018 2nd for Jordan Reed. Reed actually outscored Gronk last year on a per game basis which shows how dominant he was. If he stays healthy (very big IF) then this is a steal for Bobber. With Reed added to the fold he was able to flip the TE formerly known as Jordan Cameron for 3 late round future picks. Cameron has been useless every year but 1 in his career so this was a solid move which allowed him to trade back into the draft. With 5 late round picks he used 3 of them on D players and all 3 of them were drafted by the NFL in the top 9 so they are extremely talented. If they move Bosa to LB then he loses value but if not he could be a very good player for a lot of years. I’m not super high on the Jets hookup of Peake –Hack as I thought both are overrated. Peake sat behind (Nuk, Watkins and Martavius Bryant in college so there’s no shame in that). With that said there are 2 Jets fans in the league so I wouldn’t be shocked to see either of those guys flipped in the summer. Overall I thought this was a smart draft where he took some calculated risks (which I hope don’t pay off because he is in my division).
Deadly Nagintas
Rick: With a little movement, I was able to nab the WR and RB I wanted, while adding a future 2nd. Boyd may not test well athletically, but he can play football, and is in a perfect spot to make an immediate impact lining up opposite AJ Green. He’ll never be a WR1, but I think he can be a solid WR3 that flirts with WR2 numbers. Prosise is a bit more of a project, and was a pick more for 2017 and 2018 than right now. He may see some passing down action, but I’m not expecting much in year 1. Jordan Payton is another that isn’t overly flashy, but can put up decent numbers. With no Josh Gordon, he could see playing time early in an offence that will likely trail in almost every game. Hooper was my #1 fantasy TE in this class, so was happy to get him after Hunter. My QB are old as shit, so I can do the same thing as Philly, and sit Wentz for a season or two before having to roll him out in meaningful situations…by then Philly may have a real coach. Was very happy with my defensive gets to close out the draft. I was a bit surprised Ragland was still around at 4.12. I figured he’d go before Jones, especially with Buffalo’s ‘everyone gets a tackle’ stat crew. All in all I’m happy with what I added in what was supposed to be a terrible draft, and if they call crash and burn, I have 5 1sts in the loaded 17 draft. No one else can say that.
Dan (Idiots): Coleman is a homerun threat every time he touches the ball. Reminds me a lot of Chris Johnson (not as fast though) in that if he gets to a hole and there is open space he is gone. Guy has big play written all over him. Not the best vision/power or wiggle but a perfect fit for a Kyle Shanny O. Funchess is a player I have hated all draft process, and I hope both of his ACL’s explode because he plays in Tampa’s division. Moves like a stiff robot with sloppy route running in addition to questionable hands. With that said, Carolina is the perfect landing spot as Cam is a high thrower and Benjamin/Olson will take up a lot of attention in the Red Zone so a big body like Funchess can have some productive games. Paid a lot to move up for these two players. Coleman was worth it Funchess not so much. You grabbed my #2 and #3 LB off my board and prevented me from trading back in the draft for them so kudos on that. Grabbing a Ted Thompson drafted WR is never a bad idea late in the draft and Smelter is both tall with enormous hands so he could be a player in another year or two. Mr. Irrelevant Jesse James combines great size with a cool name (expert analysis there) and with Heath Millers age he could be a player down the road.
Rex in the City
Mike: I only had one 4th round pick in the 2015 draft, but with a little wheeling and dealing managed to turn one into three. Maybe I reached a little on the Petty pick (he will be the starter come 2017) but had two solid picks after that. I went into this draft as King Shit of Fantasy Football and have a great chance of returning to the top. Until I crash and burn, you all can just sit there and clap your hands and say bravo, bravo. And if anyone was wondering, yes the trophy sits at the table when i eat and next to me on the couch and between me and the wife in bed. On a side note, does anyone need a roommate?
Scott (WDJFS): I’m supposed to evaluate the Rexes draft but there is only one pick. It was a good pick though, as Hunter Henry looks to be the best tight end prospect coming out this year. Paired with Philip Rivers, Commish could have a really strong player on his hands. All in all, I think Comimish probably waited a year to long to take one more shot at the league crown and think this season is going to be a rough one for him but who the fuck knows.
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