We’re on to the 2016 season, and things still remain quite active in the EBFL. Lots of players have been on the move since the Deadly Nagintas wrapped up their first Igloo Bowl victory, with some pieces moving multiple times. Things are starting to slow down here at Commish HQ, so it’s time to take our annual team by team look at the season ahead. Keep in mind, this is all based on where teams stand right now, and things can and will change over the next few weeks.
It’s interesting to take a look and see the distribution of draft picks as the Boners and Chalupas each have more 2016 selections than the entire Taco Corp division. All in all the Senor Crabs has well over half the draft, and the most selections in the first round. In theory, the rich get richer.
Yobagoya Division
Greg Schiano is an Idiot
2015 Finish: 1st in VP, 1st in Scoring
2016 Draft Picks: 1.01, 1.03, 1.07, 4.06, 4.08, 5.04, 5.06
2016 Outlook: The Idiots are nothing if not entertaining. This time last year, they were coming off of a Fritatta Bowl appearance, with a pile of early picks, and the looks of a team on the rise. They turned the majority of their picks into difference makers on the offensive side of the football, and rolled out a dominant team, which unfortunately ended in semi-final disappointment. The GM was clearly pissed, as he’s blown it all up again, and the squad is no longer feared by the remainder of the EBFL. Gone are a number of aging stars, along with Julio Jones, replaced by a pair of WR that sat out 2015, and a handful of early picks in the upcoming rookie draft. Will they go back to the well and move some of those picks for starting talent, or will 2016 be a long year for the Idiots? In a draft that is looked down upon by most ‘experts’, this may have been the wrong time to go about it. The Idiots still have a solid defence, but will need to get something out of the RB position to be a playoff contender.
Long Term Outlook: It’s hard to pin a long term outlook on a team that isn’t afraid to shake things up as much as Dan is. The Idiots have several premium picks in 2016, but have only one late pick remaining in 2017, so they’ll need to hit on this year’s selections, or they could be fighting an uphill battle for a few seasons. That said, if they aren’t in the mix at the deadline, they may have several nice pieces that should fetch a solid return if they’re selling.
Long Snappers
2015 Finish: 2nd in VP, 4th in Scoring
2016 Draft Picks: 1.10, 2.03
2016 Outlook: The Snappers may be the favourite in the Yobagoya Division at this point. They made an impressive turnaround in a quick period of time, and with some of the other moves around the division, they could chase down their first divisional title. Their roster isn’t without holes, and they aren’t going to be mistaken for a juggernaut like the 2015 Idiots. They do have the best WR unit in the Yobagoya, and several good young TE, and some intriguing RB prospects. They’ll definitely a step up from both groups if they want to be a serious contender. With a pair of picks around the 1st turn of the rookie draft, they may be able to acquire some pieces that will be useful down the stretch.
Long Term Outlook: The Snappers are going to have to hope for some serious player development out of the 15 2014 rookies they currently have on the squad, and hit big with their picks in 2015 to be competitive by 2017. Unfortunately the Snappers don’t own their own first round selection in 2016, so rolling out a brutal team for long term gain isn’t even in the cards. Mark and Greg have their work cut out for themselves to turn this ship around. Hopefully it isn’t laying on the bottom of the sea before they even get the chance to.
San Juan Bananas
2015 Finish: 6th in VP, 5th in Scoring
2016 Draft Picks: 1.08, 3.08, 4.07, 5.05, 5.07
2016 Outlook: The Bananas should contend in the Yobagoya, and could very well be the first 2 time champ in their division. They’ve made a couple big moves already in the off-season, and are loaded with guys whose production definitely outweighs they’re value. The Edelmans, Sanders and Maclins aren’t sexy names in trade talks, but they put up points on the field. The fact that 2 of them are likely in the Flex for Bobber means he’ll be a tough opponent week to week. Terrence Williams isn’t a sexy name, nor is he overly productive…I’ve heard any 2 1sts will take him. I guess some of this roster could get a little shake up once Megatron decides on his 2016 plans, as a few players may find their way off the team, reducing some of the valuable depth they have. The TE position may be a little dicey with Allen and Bennett FA and Cameron a candidate to be cut.
Long Term Outlook: A lot of key players are another year older, and as Commish found out this past year, when the bottom falls out, it falls out hard. Unfortunately if something like that does happen here, they don’t have any early picks left in future seasons to plug holes or to start planning a rebuild around. The Megatron decision could be a key moment in Banana franchise history.
Tom Selleck’s Moustache
2015 Finish: 11th in VP, 9th in Scoring (Frittata Award)
2016 Draft Picks: 2.11, 2.12, 3.01, 3.10, 5.01, 5.12
2016 Outlook: This squad has been a serious disappointment the past two seasons, and may be ready to produce now with some lower expectations. They’re definitely a dark horse in the division, but with a few things falling right for them in NFL Free Agency, they could realistically compete. They have a top dynasty QB and several solid options at the running back position. If Marvin Jones lands in a favourable spot, and Pedersen gets Ertz up to Kelce levels, there’s no reason this offence can’t carry the club to much better than they’ve shown thus far. If they could have a do over from last year, I’m sure they’d have hung on to their first rounder which ended up being the 1.01. Jay Ajayi is going to need a monster season to live up to that one.
Long Term Outlook: This team isn’t overly old, and still has the potential to be competitive for several years with Andrew Luck at the helm. They have improved their defence from year one, but they’re going to need to continue to upgrade to be a play-off contender. They’ll need to be crafty in surrounding their high-end starting talent with usable lower end starters or they might find a permanent home outside of the championship tournament.
Senor Crabs Division
Chalupa Batman
2015 Finish: 3rd in VP, 2nd in Scoring (Igloo Bowl Finalist)
2016 Draft Picks: 1.04, 1.11, 1.12, 2.01, 2.04, 2.08, 4.05, 5.08, 5.10
2016 Outlook: This squad is a shell of its former self, and for the first time, may be on the outside looking in come play-off time. They do lead the league in linebackers. Not linebacker talent, just total linebackers. They’ve jettisoned all of their big 3 WR from a season ago, each being a top 10 option at the position. That, along with the Jimmy Graham injury has created a serious talent vacuum on the Chalupa roster. They do have 6 of the first 20 selections in the rookie draft, but how many of those picks will be able to step in and play right away? Despite all that, they do have some great defensive players, including the best DB’s in the league, along with a top LB and a top QB. They won’t be considered an unofficial Bye week.
Long Term Outlook: The Chalupas have moved on from much of the roster that carried them to back to back play-off appearances, along with a title game finish. They have some serious work to do to get back to that level, and it could be tough sledding, with their division improving around them. A first to worst drop in the division isn’t out of the question, but Laker won’t be held down for long. He’ll make things happen, and get things headed in the right direction.
Deadly Nagintas
2015 Finish: 4th in VP, 3rd in Scoring (Igloo Bowl Champion)
2016 Draft Picks: 1.05, 2.09, 3.03, 3.12, 4.11, 4.12
2016 Outlook: The Nagintas were not the dominant team they were expected to be heading into the year, but won the games they needed and took home the trophy. They let a number of high end performers go in the off-season, with Kuechly, AJ Green and Chandler Jones all finding new homes. If Josh Gordon comes back and performs at WR1/WR2 levels they should be able to compete for their 2nd division title, and a shot at being the first repeat EBFL Champion. There same questions remain at QB, with nothing but aging vets, and at RB, where it’s still anyone’s guess who will step up and take the starting spots. Whoever they add with their first round pick, will need to produce to keep them at the top of the heap.
Long Term Outlook: The Nagintas have a decent mix of youth and experience and shouldn’t be dropping off any time soon. The addition of 5 first rounders in 2017 should be a nice talent influx as the current roster ages. The key will be whether they hang onto those selections or sell them off in an attempt to make a 3rd straight Igloo Bowl appearance. With a championship under their belt, they may not feel the pressure to do so, and keep the contention window open for a while.
Fear Boners
2015 Finish: 10th in VP, 10th in Scoring
2016 Draft Picks: 1.02, 1.06, 2.02, 2.07, 3.02, 3.05, 3.06, 3.07, 4.02, 4.10, 5.02, 5.11
2016 Outlook: The Boners were well down the standings again in 2015, but things are starting to look up. Coach KKK has to have a serious anticiperection with some of the young talent and picks he has coming through the system now. He’s still missing the elite talent at WR, but with Parker taking the next step, and Bryant not suspended to start the year, the unit should be much improved. The defence will need a serious upgrade before he’s able to compete with the rest of the division, so at best he’s in a dogfight for the last play-off spot this season.
Long Term Outlook: After the disaster that was the first season, the Boners have been collecting talented young players, and could be a force in the league in a couple seasons. With 8 selections in the first 3 rounds of the draft, they should be able to add a couple playmakers, some decent prospects, and shape up the defensive side of the football. The 2016 EBFL Rookie Draft will be key to the long term fortunes of the Boners.
Loose Bandits
2015 Finish: 5th in VP, 6th in Scoring
2016 Draft Picks: 2.10, 3.04, 4.01, 4.04, 4.09, 5.03
2016 Outlook: No Sleep! Mrs. Loose Bandits just popped out child number 2, and that should affect Mo’s ability to manage his team. The lack of sleep will likely cause him to screw up easy roster decisions and cost him a chance at a title. In all seriousness, this is a solid starting line up, that matches up pretty well with any team in the league. If I had to make someone the favourite, right now it would probably be the Bandits. To take it all down, he’ll likely need a couple guys to step up and become solid depth, or at least bye week fill ins. The real question for the Bandits will be whether or not they can beat Rich Eisen’s 40 time. The smart money is on No.
Long Term Outlook: As I predicted last year, this division is going to be tough to win year in and year out, as the Bandits and Boners turn around their fortunes, and the Nagintas being a perennial contender. Mo shipped out a lot of picks to acquire win now type talent, but this draft isn’t highly ranked, so it may have been a great time to do so. It could cost him down the road, but he should have a solid window, and a championship during that time would make it all worthwhile.
Taco Corp Division
Endzone Dancers
2015 Finish: 8th in VP, 11th in Scoring
2016 Draft Picks: 2.05
2016 Outlook: The Dancers just missed out on a division title in 2015, but should be in the mix again in 2016. They could end up with one of the better backfields in the league pending which way Denver goes, and where Doug Martin ends up. McKay has plenty of 2nd tier talent, but is missing the elite players that can put a team on their backs. His depth is his strength. This division should be wide open this year, and Scootie has as good of a chance as any to take it down. Will Ladarius Green get a change of scenery and finally live up to the hype?
Long Term Outlook: The Dancers have shipped off all of their 2016 picks except for the 2.05, so they won’t have much opportunity to add talented youth to the squad. At this point last year, I thought things were looking up for the squad, but now I’m not so sure about their long-term success. Teddy Bridgewater is going to have to really progress as Carson Palmer isn’t getting younger and retirement number 2 can’t be far off.
Knuckle Ballers
2015 Finish: 7th in VP, 7th in Scoring
2016 Draft Picks: 1.09, 3.09, 5.09
2016 Outlook: The Ballers were last year’s team that took advantage of a weak division to sneak into the play-offs. They’re the rare team with more defenders on the roster than offensive players. They made a big splash in the off-season picking up a pair of top notch defenders, which they hope will lead them back to the promised land for the 3rd straight season. Conrod is probably really hoping Megatron retires, being a Bears fan and a Golden Tate owner. The running back position will likely be the biggest question mark in 2016, and their season could be derailed in a hurry if Dallas takes a back early and Cobb doesn’t take the Titans job.
Long Term Outlook: Better than Johnny Manziel’s, although that doesn’t say much. I still can’t believe he’s still on a roster. He’s the new Tebow…minus the Jesus…and add a drinking and/or domestic violence problem. All in all, it’s not the rosiest picture looking ahead, as most of the big time talent on offence is getting old, and we’re not too sure the young talent is there to back fill with. This division is a shit show though, so who know’s what is going to be good enough to win with.
Rex in the City
2015 Finish: 10th in VP, 8th in Scoring (Igloo Bowl Champion)
2016 Draft Picks: 2.06
2016 Outlook: The Rexes apparently were resting on the laurels of their initial championship and fell off big time in 2016. They still have a solid defence but they don’t have the horses to compete on offence, and with only one pick in the draft, there’s no immediate help on the way. It could be a another rough season, and a 2nd straight Frittata Bowl appearance for Commish. Who knows though, maybe Jeff Janis will show that play-off game wasn’t a fluke and carry this squad to an 8th place finish. The TE position, which was solid for them in their championship season has fallen apart, and Commish could probably beat them in a foot race at this point.
Long Term Outlook: As suspected, the Rexes did not age well. They haven’t done much to get younger, standing pat on a number of older players at the trade deadline, which could really set them back in their rebuild. It looks like they could be doing their best to avoid being the 2nd Bryce with the Loser Plates, over the next several seasons. At least they got that one Igloo Bowl victory before it all fell apart.
What Does John Fox Say
2015 Finish: 12th in VP, 12th in Scoring
2016 Draft Picks: 2.13, 3.11, 4.03
2016 Outlook: Don’t look now, but Scotty could have a play-off team on his hands. That said, he’s relying on a lot of guys in the twilight of their careers, and that’s been known to crash and burn before (see Boners 2014 season). All in all, he has the most talent in the division, and there’s nowhere to go but up for this squad after the disaster that was 2015. Pencil them in for their first division title, but have that eraser at the ready. In a cruel twist of fate, or a condemnation of the Taco Corp in general, this team actually has the most draft selections for 2016.
Long Term Outlook: There’s Todd Gurley and Jameis Winston…then there’s about 20 guys likely to retire within 2 seasons. I’m going to say the long term outlook isn’t pretty, but Scott keeps getting rookie picks, and he keeps dealing them for immediate help. Plus, he cycles his roster on a regular basis, so this squad likely looks much different by mid-season, which makes it hard to project anything long term.
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