At the midway point of the season we have 3 wildly different divisions and a new record of 3 invalid lineups. There is tight battle within Senor Crabs with 1 VP separating 3 teams, the pull away leader of the EBFL in Yobagoya and the dumpster fire known as the Taco Corp. Week 7 was divisional match ups and saw the Bandits best his longtime rival for the 1st time in league history to take over 1st in Senor Crabs, WDJFS beating his mentor, and the Dancers bouncing the losing record out of their division lead.
In this weeks Cowboys update: Greg Hardy was freaking out on the sideline with Dez Bryant trying to be the calming influence…WTF?!?! Oh, and Terrence Williams played some defence after a Matt Cassel interception, picking up a solo tackle, therefore adding another 1st rounder to his value in trades!
Editor’s Note: Thanks to Mo for filling in this week, due to a death in my family. Props to him for the obligatory TWill reference and the dick joke in the Boners recap.
Matchups
5-2 Long Snappers (202.49) – 3-4 San Juan Bananas (141.74)
The Snappers whipped the Bananas in a lopsided tilt to hold onto 2nd place in the division. The Snappers received a nice performance from their WRs, with Jarvis Landry weaving through half of Houston on the way to a touchdown. The Bananas can take solace in the fact that they had a couple of their key contributors on their bye week. The Snappers will look to continue their push for the last playoff spot with a tilt vs The Dancers next week.
6-1 Greg Shiano is an Idiot (238.11) – 2-5 Tom Selleck’s Moustache (209.34)
The Idiots had another high score and another comfortable win. While this story line might be getting old for some, Phillip Rivers and his team high 23.44 pts are loving the season so far, riding on the top. The Stache will like seeing someone other than Devonta Freeman leading his team and his breaking of the 200pt plateau, but his time seems to be running out on making a playoff run. Might be time to sell Cobb to the Bandits … Hint hint!
4-3 Chalupa Batman (229.73) – 2-5 Fear Boners (164.83)
Chalupa moves into a tie for 2nd in Eskimo Bros toughest division with the blow out of the week over the Boners. This win might leave a bad taste in the Chalupas mouth as Arian Foster had a big week but ultimately will be lost for the season after blowing out his ACL on a non contact play. Also he has a match up next week against the Idiots while his division foes get cupcakes. The Boners got a nice game from Mark Barron with his cameo sitting more in a LB position in the St. Louis defence. Unfortunately their season is looking a lot like last year with a real chance of adding a new licence plate cover to Coach K’s precious ride. (Ed. – It will probably double the weight of his car too!)
5-2 Fast & Loose Bandits (210.76) – 4-3 Deadly Nagintas (187.05)
The Bandits took full advantage of a beat up and bye filled Nagintas roster in the battle for the top spot in the Senor Crabs division. The Bandits were helped out greatly by the Bengals bye forcing him to play the inconsistent Ryan Tannehill who looked like a Hall a Famer against the porous Texans D and little Danny Woodhead who put up 27+ with most of that after the Raiders had the game well in hand. The Nagintas will like what they see out of Mike Evans, as it looks like Jameis Winston is starting to figure the NFL, even if Lovie Smith’s defence can’t help him out. Nothing looks to change at the top of the division next week as both teams get to take on the bottom teams from Division Dumpster Fire.
2-5 What Does John Fox Say? (181.58) – 2-5 Rex in the City (151.70)
WDJFS decided to put out a full roster this week and handily stomped the Rexes, who didn’t. WDJFS got nice production from their RB’s with Todd Gurley pacing the team with over 30 points. Rexes had their biggest scorer on the bench but even that wouldn’t have been enough to flip this match up. Both teams will look to next week and try for upsets as they play out the string and look to improve or ruin the draft position for the picks owned by others.
5-2 Endzone Dancers (175.25) – 2-5 Knuckle Ballers (129.88)
In the battle for the lead of, and ultimately the only playoff spot from the Taco Corp, the Dancers pranced all over the Ballers. Both teams had inactives but in a 45+ point victory neither mattered. The Dancers were led by TY Hilton and his 2 long touchdowns, while the Ballers were let down by their ‘defence’ that scored a combined 33.25 points. This should be a battle to the finish as it doesn’t look like either team is a week in, week out favourite and they might just flip flop the division every week the rest of the season. (Ed. – Wouldn’t that be fun to watch: McKay and Conrod playing leapfrog)
Week 7 Awards
Offensive Player of the Week
Lamar Miller (Tom Selleck’s Moustache) – In what’s turning into the Moustache RB of the week award, Lamar put up 236 combined yards and 2 TDs.
Defensive Player of the Week
Telvin Smith (Chalupa Batman) – A pick 6 and a bunch of tackles means you had to be all over the field. It’s also good enough to go home with an award this week.
Rookie of the Week
Todd Gurley (What Does John Fox Say) – 163 combined yards and 2 TDs as well as the 2nd highest score overall makes this pick a no brainer.
Goat of the Week
Starting Defence (Knuckle Ballers) – With 33.25 points total and only 22.75 when you take away Lowery’s points lets just say it was a pitiful performance.
Pickup of the Week
Dashon Goldson (Tom Selleck’s Moustache) – 6 solo tackles and a total of 16 points at least kept it what is called close this week.
Bench Player of the Week
Nate Washington (Rex in the City) – The match up would have Scottie sweating if he was in the starting lineup.
Bonehead Coaching Move of the Week
Knuckle Ballers, Rex in the City, Endzone Dancers – With no match up closer than 30 points its going to this group of GM’s who all had an inactive player in their lineup.
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