We’re now almost a third of the way through our 2nd regular season, and it’s time to take a look at where things stand league wide. Just like last season, it’s been an interesting first 4 weeks of games in the Eskimo Bros Football League. There have definitely been a few surprises, including the lightning fast turnaround of a good portion of the Frittata Bowl teams from last year. In this issue of the Commish Report, we’re going to take a quick team by team look at what has gone well, what has gone poorly, and what the likelihood is they make the playoffs (both the computer, and the Commishes gut feeling).
What Does John Fox Say? – Taco Corp (0-4, 1 VP, 633.75)
The Good: WDJFS still has one of the best stables of DB in the league, and the future looks bright at RB.
The Bad: There isn’t a thinner LB corps in the league, to go along with a pile of middling and boom/bust WR.
The Chances: How quickly the mighty have fallen. WDJFS dropped from 2nd in VP at this point last season, to last in the league. They have about the same chance as the Boners of doing anything this year, and will be doing what they can to avoid taking over the Frittata title from the Snappers.
Fear Boners – Senor Crabs (0-4, 1 VP, 635.11)
The Good: The Boners are 1oo points and 1 VP ahead of last year. Ok, that maybe not the greatest news, but we need something! Larry Fitzgerald has turned back the clock and is averaging over 20 points through the first 4 weeks, and potentially driven up his trade value. The Boners fittingly have a couple up and coming Johnsons, that could shoulder the load at the running back position during the 2nd half of the season.
The Bad: The Boners limped into the season with next to no ground game, and it has hurt them. Add that to injuries and ineffectiveness, and you have a recipe for a disaster of a season.
The Chances: Going old in the start up cost the Boners last season, when a number of players went down to injury, making this the beginning of a rebuild. So far a couple young guys have showed solid potential and the Boners impatiently wait to get what was supposed to be their stud rookie on the field for significant snaps. The computers give the Boners less that 0.01% chance of making the playoffs, and we agree with them. Their just playing to avoid the license plates at this point.
Tom Selleck’s Moustache – Yobagoya (1-3, 4 VP, 654.43)
The Good: Devonta Freeman has been an absolute monster the past couple weeks, and has worked his way into the Offensive Player of the Year consideration. Randall Cobb and Odell Beckham have been as advertised, putting up solid numbers to start the season
The Bad: Andrew Luck has been far from the stud he was expected to be, and even cost Smitty an illegal line up penalty. Between him and an injured Romo, a position of strength has dragged the team down.
The Chances: Another season of all sizzle and no steak for the Stache, as they were a preseason prediction for a playoff spot and now find themselves looking up at their entire division. The computers give them a 10% chance of making the big dance, and we’d have to agree with them. They’ll need a big turnaround from Luck, and Freeman to continue to dominate the touches in Atlanta to get there.
Rex in the City – Taco Corp (2-2, 6 VP, 723.63)
The Good: Aaron Rodgers hasn’t had to tell anyone to relax this season, as he’s off to a great start, and his been the one bright spot in the Rexes start.
The Bad: This team doesn’t have any depth, and they’re really feeling the pinch of the Jordy Nelson injury. When Travis Benjamin is your go to guy, things are in rough shape.
The Chances: The Rexes have the talent on both sides of the ball to stay in the mix, but I don’t know that they’re the championship contenders they were last season, and also projected to be in the pre-season. The computers have them just over 50/50 of making the playoffs, which seems reasonable at this point. We may end up with the first time a team makes the playoffs with a worse record than someone left out.
Knuckle Ballers – Taco Corp (1-3, 7 VP, 707.19)
The Good: The Ballers big 3 have been solid so far, with a pissed off Tom Brady being the best player in the league to this point.
The Bad: The defense is thin, and hasn’t done the Ballers any favours. The lack of depth all over the field is going to make things difficult through Bye weeks, especially Weeks 5 and 9.
The Chances: While they currently sit only one point out of a playoff spot, the computers put them at a 15% chance of getting one. It’s basically a 3 horse race for the division crown and likely the only playoff spot from the Taco Corp division, and the Ballers are probably the worst of the 3. While they’re the dark horse, we at the commissioner’s office put them at about 25%.
Endzone Dancers – Taco Corp (3-1, 8 VP, 694.93)
The Good: The LB have been great to start the year, and the team has exceeded their wins projections thus far.
The Bad: When you roll with small receivers, you run the increased risk of injuries, and the big guns on the Dancers haven’t been 100%.
The Chances: The Dancers have a leg up in the division race, although it’s about as long as one of Mo’s, so that isn’t saying much. They have only earned 2 of a possible 8 scoring VP, so that doesn’t bode well for them. The numbers say they have a 1 in 3 shot at earning their first playoff berth, and it could come down to a Week 13 match up with the Ballers.
Chalupa Batman – Senor Crabs (2-2, 9 VP, 793.14)
The Good: Antonio Brown continues to be one of the best WR in the game, but the injury to his QB may slow him down a touch. The Chalupas have improved the D this season.
The Bad: Jimmy Graham has been a big letdown so far, and the team has struggled through injuries all season.
The Chances: The Chalupas are off to a slow start, but they’re still loaded when healthy. If they can get bodies back and rolling again, they’re a very dangerous team. While they’d be on the outside looking in if the playoffs started today, the computers have them at just under 90% to get in, and currently have the 3rd best shot at the title.
San Juan Bananas – Yobagoya (2-2, 9 VP, 805.91)
The Good: Terrence Williams is the number 1 receiver for Dallas right now.
The Bad: He’s been outscored by the illustrious Darius Heyward-Bey.
The Chances: The Bananas have one of the tougher opening stretches, facing the Idiots, Chalupas and Nagintas over the first 5 weeks. Assuming they come out of that above .500, they’re a playoff lock. The computer currently have them at 85%, but we think they’re better than that, and it would take a significant injury for them to fall out.
Long Snappers – Yobagoya (3-1, 11 VP, 746.75)
The Good: The entire team has been solid over the first 4 weeks, and there isn’t really one unit that stands out.
The Bad: If you had to nitpick, you’d have to look at the running game as the weak spot on the roster as it stands.
The Chances: The Snappers took the Commishes 2014 criticism to heart, and have built around the WR position. It’s helped make them one of the biggest surprises of 2015, and currently has them in the playoff mix. While the elder Bryce is just over 50/50 to get in, this one is just under. They’re going to have to beat some of the better teams in the league through the Bye gauntlet in order to make it in, but even if they don’t, they should shed the ‘Fantasy Football Loser’ license plates.
Loose Bandits – Senor Crabs (3-1, 12 VP, 783.35)
The Good: Bell is off to a hot start after sitting the first 2 games of the year, and Cooper has been as advertised thus far, and looks every bit of the stud WR the Bandits hoped they were getting.
The Bad: While they’re deeper than last season, they’re going to need to get improved play out of the WR3 and Flex spots to contend.
The Chances: Another of the surprise teams of 2015, the Bandits are off to a great start, which has them in a great spot to try and earn their first EBFL playoff berth. The algorithm gives them about a 75% shot, but depth could be an issue. I would likely have their chances slightly smaller, but we still like them to get in, as long as Bell remains healthy.
Deadly Nagintas – Senor Crabs (3-1, 12 VP, 823.71)
The Good: The big pass catchers for the Nagintas, (Hopkins, Green, Kelce) have been money so far, and they boast one of the better DL in the league.
The Bad: Injuries are definitely holding this team back, and laying waste to whatever depth they had. They’ll need a healthy Kuechly, Shazier, Evans and Bryant to have any chance.
The Chances: They Nagintas aren’t the surprise team they were in 2014. They’ve picked up 3 wins, and at least 1 scoring VP each week, to end up in the 2nd spot at this point. The computers have them as a virtual lock to make the playoffs, but they’ll need their big guns back sooner rather than later to avoid a low seed and an early exit.
Greg Schiano is an Idiot – Yobagoya (4-0, 16 VP, 889.68)
The Good: Julio and Gronk are early OPOY candidates, and JJ Watt has been a difference maker on defense. Brandon Marshall has exceeded expectations for a Jets WR.
The Bad: Uh, I guess the linebackers haven’t been great, and the QB have only been solid, not spectacular. We’re grasping here.
The Chances: The Idiots have been a juggernaut so far, easily rolling to 4 wins, and the max VP each week. They’re so good, the computers have them at 100% to make the playoffs already. While they haven’t mathematically clinched, we’re with the computers on this one. We at the league office aren’t sure what can slow this team down, but we’re exploring all options, including getting Schiano re-hired in Tampa.
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