The 2015 Eskimo Bros Football League Rookie Draft has officially been completed, and it’s time for some instant analysis. To no one’s surprise, it was a very active few days, with a league record 17 trades, besting the 11 during last season’s draft. A number of selections were even moved multiple times as general managers jockeyed for position. In the end, most came away pleased with their selections, and now look forward to seeing what they can do on the gridiron.
Since I’m sure most are tired of hearing the league office’s take on what happens, we hit up GM’s across the league for their take on their own draft, as well as the picks of another team. So without further adieu, your 2015 Rookie Draft Recap.
What Does John Fox Say
Scott: I’m pretty happy coming away with the top RB and a couple freaks athletically in Perriman and DGB, but see that it’s gonna take some patience and luck going forward to get out of the basement. All I know is, I hope Mark and Greg get used to the license plate covers, as I don’t see them going onto anyone else’s vehicles in the next couple years. All of u can suck it.
Scott (Dancers): John Fox is a mover and a shaker. He likes to make the deals and did so to acquire the 1.01, 1.07, 1.08 and the 5.07. I liked the picks he made (may not like how he acquired them), however each has some risk attached to them. Gurley should return to be somewhat of a force, however landing in St. Louis has me scratching my head a little. Gordon-Beckham is being talked about as if he is Calvin Johnson lite, which could be the case if he stays away from Josh Gordon and Justin Blackmon, as well as all other things that had him booted out of Mizzou. Perriman ended up in a great spot to utilize his speed with Flacco throwing to him, he just needs to make sure he has extra stick’em on his gloves and remembers to put his hands in these gloves. Karlos Williams has the potential to be a great 5th round selection although a relatively significant price was paid for 5.07.
Loose Bandits
Mo: After finishing the season by winning the extra draft pick and holding 11 draft picks, I decided that it would be best to bundle some of my later round picks to gain an extra 1st round pick and ended up with 5 of the top 14 selections. With 1.02 I gambled after WWJFD took Gurley with 1.01 that I had an outside chance at Gordon with 1.04 so I took the top receiver on the board (Cooper) … things didn’t work out and I also got White (#2 receiver). With those in the books, I hoped my fallback option at running back would make it through to 1.09. I took TJ Yeldon, whom I had rated just behind Gordon and a great pairing to go with last years 2nd round selection of Blake Bortles. With those selections in the books I thought it best to see what options were available for trade. I secured 2 extra 1st rounders for next year and still was able to secure the other player I really wanted in Jaelen Strong. There was at least 1 person that was not happy to see him come off the board. My chances going forward this year and next will largely depend on how my 4 top picks perform. My favourite pick was adding Denzel Perryman to my defence as I see him putting up tackles in the AFC west with 3 teams that want to run the ball. I was sad to see Devante Davis go off the board at 5.06 after trading back to 5.07 as its never a bad idea to stash a Chip Kelly WR but the trades to move up a round next year will help me continue in my pursuit of building my team with key young talent.
Bryan (Boners): The Bandits added some nice potential pieces to the offense. Strong and Cooper should make an immediate impact at receiver for their respective teams. White has all of the physical tools to replace Brandon Marshall, but has the misfortune of having Jay Cutler throw him the ball (at least for now). Perryman and Gardiner could be nice picks. Yeldon is an improvement over OW Denard Robinson, and should be able to put up decent numbers in year 1. Overall, this is a draft that could solidify the Bandits on offense for the next few years.
Endzone Dancers
Scott: I went into the draft with my team in need of top end WR talent and had picks 1.03, 2.03, 2.08, 2.09 and 3 3rd rounders after spending a number of picks prior to draft day on Bridgewater, Johnson and others. I picked the best player available at 1.03 even though it was a RB in Gordon and wasn’t able to make a trade to get into the mid 1st to acquire some of my targeted WR. I hoped that another WR target would fall to me at 2.03 which did not pan out. At that point, I decided change direction a little and acquire a top tier WR via trade and to stockpile 2016 picks. I made a trade and acquired Hilton and a 1st in 2016 for 2.03, Hyde, Floyd and pick 2.09. I was able to gain another 2016 1st by trading the 2.08 pick and Snappers 2016 2nd and 3rd picks (which I am banking on being in the top half of the rounds) by trading 3.03 and 3.10. I selected Artis-Payne at 3.07 to sit on my TS for a year until he becomes the heir to the Carolina RB job. At the end of the day, I upgraded my club, although not as much as I had hoped I would, to be somewhat competitive in 2015 through the addition of Hilton and Gordon as well as having the strength to improve in 2016 through the number of potential high round draft picks that were acquired.
Sean (Chalupas): The EZD squad definitely has his sights set on the 2016 draft. During this year’s draft, Endzone made 4 trades that involved draft picks. He moved 3 2015 picks for upgraded picks for 2016. Going into 2016 EZD has 6 picks in the first 2 rounds as well as the Snappers 3rd, which should be near the very top of that round. EZD will be a big player in the 2016 draft. As for the 2 picks taken, they both fill a need for the Dancers. He addressed his running back position by picking Melvin Gordon, who should be a solid producer from the start. The pick of Artis-Payne was a nice gamble as the Carolina RB situation can change drastically with a Johnathan Stewart injury, and if history tells us anything there is a good chance of that happening. As for the moves on draft week, I was very down on his deal he made with Schiano. He gave up two very good pieces in Hyde and Floyd, as well as two 2nds in this draft to get Hilton and a 2016 1st. This is the second time that TY Hilton has been part of a lob-sided trade. EZD better hope that Hyde has the lead back jitters and that the Nagintas have a terrible 2015 season.
Fear Boners
Bryan: I feel like I had a pretty decent draft. I like the defenders I added at the end of the draft, and they should be able to help in a year or 2 and replace some of my older starters. DeVante Parker should be able to put up some decent numbers for the Miami Fear Boners. I feel like I should be able to get some production in the future from one my 3 mid round picks at RB, although I had to skip over Ajayi, who I really liked, since I didn’t want 4 offensive players from Miami.
Mike (Rexes): I think if they ever make a sequel to Draft Day it should be about Fear Boners and call it Draft Day 2: The GM Sonny Weaver Forgot to flush. Not saying he had a shitty draft, just saying the rest of the leagues GM’s are miles above him. I heard he has been reading Al Davis’s book Draft to Success. Fear is hoping to catch lightning in a bottle with one of his 3 RB’s he drafted. I do however like his Randy Gregory pick but I am a defense first guy.
Tom Selleck’s Moustache
Ryan: Drafted Nelson with my first pick with hopes that he will be another OBJ for me, and love his chances to be starting right off the hop. Drafted a QB with my next pick to fuck over people trying to draft a QB…lol. Also like the Wilson style of play and should be good in Tennessee. Needed a DE with my last pick was mad that Leonard got sniped but I was happy with Armstead.
Rob (Ballers): Taking the highest rated player available at 1.06, Agholor will join the likes of Cobb and OBJ and a bunch of 3rd tier WRs. It’s a great pick. I just feel my 5 year old daughter could have made this pick….blind folded. Will Agholor settle in nicely now that Maclin is gone? Will he fit in Chip Kelly joke of a scheme? Only time and his skin tone will tell. Ryan took Mariota at 2.04 after Shiano’s pulled the trigger on Winston. Lucky for him he got the better out of the two. Does he need him? Fuck no he doesn’t….he has Luck and Romo FFS!!! Greedy prick couldn’t have let him go a few more picks eh…..or traded down to 2.07? With his final pick TSM took a much needed DE, Armstead. A sizable lad with an OK vertical. Missing out on the top rated DE, Williams, by 2 picks. Armstead will fit nicely in San Francisco…still no Williams tho. So suck it!
Chalupa Batman
Sean: Armed with extra 2016 picks, I went into the draft with the mind set of taking BPA early, and then filling some holes later in the draft and using some of my 11 2016 picks to address needs this year. I am happy with the 2 running backs I took early, and I feel getting Ajayi late in round 2 was good value for my team as I am stocked with aging running backs but will need some youth for 2016. I addressed my need for some defensive help by drafting 2 LB and the top rated safety in the draft, along with an injured Dante Fowler who will be on the IR for 2015. These players may not help right away, but should be solid contributors for the stretch run. One player that I may have missed out on was Maxx Williams. I figured I could get him at 2.12 knowing that Schiano already had 5 TE’s, but he went ahead and followed his BPA strategy and took him. I think that will be a nice trade piece for him going forward.
Scott (WDJFS): First off, I gotta give Chalupa his props for being aggressive and always willing to deal, unlike a few of you tight $*%&’s in our league that would rather look up tranny porn and shove their thumbs up there asses, as they pretend that that buck-toothed huge cocked tranny on the screen would grace their poop shoots with the pleasure of a huge dong in them. But anyways…Chalupa had a solid draft nabbing 2 running backs I really like in Ajayi and Abdullah. Dorsett is a bit of a wildcard as the Colts move forward but I think he can be productive and help Chalupa stay in the middle of the pack, where I expect the Batmans to be for eternity. All in all solid draft Chalupa, and thanks for being active in our league unlike some of these other fuckers.
Long Snappers
Greg: Finally after a long lay off, the draft came in time to stop the urge of doing a boring trade. We got a scare when all of our guys were almost taken in the 1st round, except Johnson. Thanks Batman! Not knowing who to pick with 2.01, Bandits came along with an offer that we couldn’t turn down, that had a 2017 top 2 pick in deal. At 2.06, we snapped up Conley, who is the most athletic freak wr of this class. Moving into the meat and potatos of the 3rd round, grabbing the next Lynch at 3.02 and getting 3 stud talents all in a row. Then hit the slot machine jackpot with Hardy at 3.06. In the 4th round we got bored and got back into draft taking Waller who will take over for Perriman, that won’t ever learn how to catch a football and will be a bust. All in all Snappers had the best draft in the league. See you bitches later this season when Snappers is winning matchups!
Ryan (Stache): Don’t know what Snappers did…lol. Didn’t look, but fuck him hahaha he sucks lol! Go moustaches!!!
Knuckle Ballers
Rob: Happy with my WR picks. I feel Coates won’t have too hard of a time taking targets away from Wheaton…even if I’m wrong I’m comfortable with the fact that he will be useful in a year or so. Smith has a similar fate in NYJ. Behind the #2 Decker, the awful #3 Kerley and and last years 4th round pick, Shaq Evans, there’s a boom or bust lingering for this year, and he will ripen on my bench. Out of all my WR picks, Diggs has the most potential to be a #3 starting candidate. Both Johnson and Patterson’s presence don’t worry me….but again, he will stay on my TS until he heats up. Williams was a no brainer. I believe he was the first DL picked up. I needed the addition to my line. Vic Beasley will be a welcomed addition in my over populated defensive backfield. Trades will be made to help my safety consistency.
Rick (Nagintas): Personally, I’m not a huge fan of what Conrod did in this draft, mainly because of the types (and situations) of players he added. If those 5th round LB get re-classed as Ends, it probably takes a big step up. He did a solid job adding some interesting and athletic WR, especially for picking so late in the draft. Hopefully Coates isn’t Stephen Hill 2.0 and can actually haul in the ball, because he has sick measurables. I’d probably like Devin Smith a lot more if I didn’t think Fitzpatrick was going to be the starting QB in NY. He’ll be lining up with a pair of target hogs, and likely be used mainly to keep the defense honest, but I doubt he puts up much in the way of numbers until they get someone else under center and one of Marshall/Decker goes down or leaves town. I really hope Diggs gets immediate opportunity, because that likely means the end of the Cordarelle Patterson’s relevance outside of the return game. All in all, the Ballers picked up some great football players, but I don’t think their fantasy situations are the greatest.
Greg Schiano is an Idiot
Dan: I couldn’t be happier with my picks. The draft started late for me after I moved 1.01 for a huge package of picks/players. McKay and I had a Jamies Winston for a 2016 1st deal worked out for 3 months that somehow expanded to include TY Hilton for Hyde, Floyd and Maxx Williams. I got the top player on my board at QB, TE and LB so that’s huge getting the best player at 3 positions. David Cobb has a legit shot at starting for the Titians, because Bishop Sankey is a piece of shit and if he wins the job that’s great value late in the 2nd round. Only knock is I didn’t add a high end WR (sorry Vince Mayle) but without a 1st I love this haul and it should help this team going forward.
Mo (Bandits): I think Jameis Winston has a better chance of spending time in jail within the next 5 years than I do of him posting QB2 numbers. While the young combo of ASJ and Mike Evans is good, Winston’s release is slow and he tends to put the ball into the hands of the defense more than a top QB should. I think Maxx Williams has a chance to become a low end TE1 with some seasoning, but patience will be the key and his opportunity with the Idiots may be limited with the roster already having the best TE in the league sitting in the starters spot. The Idiots tried to take the sting of having Todd Gurley go to the Rams, by adding Carlos Hyde in the deal that landed the picks that turned into Winston and Williams. Overall I think The Idiots will be a better team than last year, but might wishing he had 1 more top 25 WR, as I think he will just miss the playoffs, as he failed to add any useful players to his offense through the draft.
San Juan Bananas
Shaun: My draft went a little better than I anticipated. Came in with 3 picks, 2.13 and two 5ths…left the draft with 3 players and two future 5ths. My first pick was Tyler Lockett, and I love the pick, didn’t expect him to be there. He has a chance to step right in and make an immediate impact in Seattle. My next pick I have loved since before the combine as a later sleeper…I knew he wouldn’t make it to my 5.01 pick so I kept trying to trade up into the early-mid 3rd, finally got the 3.10 pick, and Tre McBride was still available for the taking. My last pick was at 5.01, and was shocked that he was still on the board…I debated between Clive Walford and Randy Gregory at that last pick…and seeing as I was in more of a need for a TE, I went that route.
Mark (Snappers): Although it’s too soon to completely rip any team’s draft class, some hauls were less inspiring than others. San Juan Bananas clearly let this draft ‘slip’ away! With only 3 picks in his cupboard, it was evident San Juan did most of his damage pre-draft. In a win now mentality, he spent a good majority of his picks in acquiring talent during the past season. San Juan didn’t make his appearance in the draft until the last pick of the 2nd round, where he scooped up Tyler Lockett. This pick does give Banana’s a legitimate slot receiver/return specialist with the speed, skills and explosiveness to create big plays between the hashes. Sort of a luxury pick and not exactly filling a need! With his second pick of the draft San Juan was clearly trying to protect his asset of Hakeem Nicks and drafted his heir apparent in Tre McBride. Playing the underdog role for much of his life, McBride relishes the opportunity to crack Tennessee’s and Banana’s starting squad! Picking 2 wideouts this draft…one would begin to wager if Banana’s has given thought to shipping one of his WR assets away! #FreeCooks
With the 5.01 he took a flyer on Clive Walford Oak. Should get a decent chance at playing time! Just not sure how much I like the pick with Walford being an inline player. When it looked like all was done for Banana’s he made the move of the draft in a late blockbuster. Sending his 5.11 to Bandits for 2 future picks. Knowing the draft board was getting very weak, bananas showed some savvy and stole some future lottery tickets! Banana’s is gonna need a lot more trades like this in the future if he expects to ever rebuild this aging team! If I was in Banana’s boat I would be packaging the attractive piece of Brandin Cooks with Hakeem Nicks just to free up some roster space! All in all it is tough to grade a GM with only 3 picks! Picked up 3 potential players but didn’t exactly woo me over with any!
Deadly Nagintas
Rick: The key to my draft was Tevin Coleman. I felt I needed a startable RB to still be in the championship conversation, so I made a deal to go and get one. Picking up the early second would have worked out better, had I ended up with one of my other targets, but Funchess makes sense for my team from an opportunity standpoint. Kelvin Benjamin sucks and he still had a good year, and Funchess is basically a much younger Benjamin. There was serious QB consideration for that pick, but I wanted more immediate production for the make up of my team. I would have liked to have gotten Kendricks, but Anthony isn’t a terrible consolation prize, and picking up McKinney, who I had 3rd on my LB board a round later made me feel better about it. Montgomery and Smelter should be decent stashes due to opportunity and injury. Montgomery is basically a bigger Cobb, and it will be interesting to see how he’s used beyond 2015. I was pretty pumped to land James with the 60th pick, as I missed out on him in early 4th in a pair of other drafts.
Dan (Idiots): Coleman is a homerun threat every time he touches the ball. Reminds me a lot of Chris Johnson (not as fast though) in that if he gets to a hole and there is open space he is gone. Guy has big play written all over him. Not the best vision/power or wiggle but a perfect fit for a Kyle Shanny O. Funchess is a player I have hated all draft process, and I hope both of his ACL’s explode because he plays in Tampa’s division. Moves like a stiff robot with sloppy route running in addition to questionable hands. With that said, Carolina is the perfect landing spot as Cam is a high thrower and Benjamin/Olson will take up a lot of attention in the Red Zone so a big body like Funchess can have some productive games. Paid a lot to move up for these two players. Coleman was worth it Funchess not so much. You grabbed my #2 and #3 LB off my board and prevented me from trading back in the draft for them so kudos on that. Grabbing a Ted Thompson drafted WR is never a bad idea late in the draft and Smelter is both tall with enormous hands so he could be a player in another year or two. Mr. Irrelevant Jesse James combines great size with a cool name (expert analysis there) and with Heath Millers age he could be a player down the road.
Rex in the City
Mike: I only had one 4th round pick in the 2015 draft, but with a little wheeling and dealing managed to turn one into three. Maybe I reached a little on the Petty pick (he will be the starter come 2017) but had two solid picks after that. I went into this draft as King Shit of Fantasy Football and have a great chance of returning to the top. Until I crash and burn, you all can just sit there and clap your hands and say bravo, bravo. And if anyone was wondering, yes the trophy sits at the table when i eat and next to me on the couch and between me and the wife in bed. On a side note, does anyone need a roommate?
Shaun (Bananas): Rex went into the draft with one pick in the late 4th, and must have been getting antsy and made two deals to get into the early 4th…out of the 4 picks he made, I like his last one the best…nabbing Garrett Grayson with the 4.12 pick. Hopefully for Rex he becomes heir to the Saints QB throne. He grabbed another QB with one of the picks he traded for at 4.01, Bryce Petty. I like the player, I like the pick, I hate the team that drafted him…I think the only worse place for a QB to go is Cleveland. Robinson was a decent pick, but he was a late 6th round pick by Colts, and not very often that late round picks offer a lot of production in their rookie year…read a lot of comparisons to Frank Gore, and Rex was be thrilled if he ends up with a career like Gore’s.
Totally agree with Dancers assessment of WWJFD draft … loads of potential but each 1st round pick carries a enormous boom/bust risk.