Welcome to the first ever installment of the EBFL Commish Report. What is the Commish Report you ask? It’s whatever the hell I want it to be at the time. I’ll hopefully put out 5 or 6 issues each season, with possibly a couple others at some point in the off-season. There won’t be a set format like the Weekly Recaps, but they’ll cover recent and future league activity.
It’s been an eventful and surprising first 4 weeks of games in the Eskimo Bros Football League. Several squads are right where they expected to be, while several others are scrambling to pick up the pieces, and a couple have exceeded all expectations and now might be changing their long-term plans to short-term plans, in an attempt to be the first EBFL Champion. In this issue of the Commish Report, we’re going to take a quick team by team look at what has gone well, what has gone poorly, and what the likelihood is they make the playoffs.
Fear Boners – Senor Crabs (0-4, 0 VP, 535.92)
The Good: It’s really difficult to find something positive to say about the Fear Boners’ season thus far. They drafted a veteran team hoping to compete this season, and most of their key players have been injured, under-performed or whooped their kid with a stick. As far as the good, we’ll go with they no longer have any domestic abusers left on their roster after dropping Jon Dwyer and shipping away Adrian Peterson for futures.
The Bad: Pretty much everything that could go wrong for the Boners has. They roster 2 top 5 QB’s and both have under-performed, a couple hall of fame receivers are being over-shadowed by younger players, all 4 of their go to RB have been injured or suspended.
The Chances: While this season has been a write off so far, there is some talent on this team. The question going forward is, will the Boners try to play spoiler, or will they blow it all up, trading away their aging superstars for youth and picks? Having already shipped off AP, you have to think Foster, Fitz and AJ may not be far behind. Assuming they blow it up, there’s a 0% chance the Boners are playoff contenders. They’re more likely the #1 seed in the consolation bracket.
Tom Selleck’s Moustache – Yobagoya (0-4, 3 VP, 625.38)
The Good: Andrew Luck and Randall Cobb have started the season on fire, with Luck being the top scorer overall through 4 weeks and Cobb being the #5 WR thus far. Lamar Miller has also been a pleasant surprise, currently sitting as a back end RB1.
The Bad: The Stache defense has been a let-down and has kept this club from being in the playoff mix. Shady being under 10 points a game can’t be sitting well with Smitty either.
The Chances: While this team has struggled to get in the win column, they’ve also faced easily the toughest schedule so far. Look for this club to get things turned around and make things interesting down the stretch. Weeks 9 and 10 will be the key to their season with some of their top players on the Bye. That said, we think the Stache have dug themselves into too big of a hole in the early going, and are only giving them a 25% chance to make the dance.
Loose Bandits – Senor Crabs (1-3, 4 VP, 577.30)
The Good: The slimmed down Le’Veon Bell has been lights out for the Bandits, and several other young players (including several on the Taxi Squad) have flashed excellence during the first 4 weeks.
The Bad: The team currently has no active depth, with only 2 useful RB, and 4 or 5 WR, although they do get Ace Sanders back in the coming week.
The Chances: As I’ve mentioned repeatedly in Weekly Recaps, Mo has no interest in winning games this year. He’s not tanking by any stretch, he’s just biding his time, waiting for the 2015 EBFL Rookie Draft where he’ll load up his team in hopes of being competitive in 2016 and beyond. With the lack of depth, several key players on bye from weeks 9-12, we don’t expect this team to get over 3 wins, and likely the 2nd seed in the consolation bracket. There’s a 0% chance this team is playing meaningful games come Week 14.
Endzone Dancers – Taco Corp (1-3, 5 VP, 631.70)
The Good: The RB for the Dancers have put up some big performances, and they currently have 3 guys sitting in the top 16. They’re also 3 guys you likely wouldn’t have expected to be anywhere near the top of the charts this season.
The Bad: Nick Foles has not been the same player we saw in 2013, and there isn’t much behind him at the QB position.
The Chances: The Dancers have a decent team, and only sit 4 points back of a playoff position. They’ve already gotten through the Bye for several of their star players. A big matchup with the Nagintas is next, and a win there could propel this team to where it wants to be. They’re in a tough division, but they’ve also outscored the 4-0 WDJFS, so they’re quite capable. I’d give this team a 40% chance of making the playoffs.
Greg Schiano is an Idiot – Yobagoya (1-3, 6 VP, 595.70)
The Good: Philip Rivers has been the 4th best QB so far, and Kelvin Benjamin has been the best rookie thus far, while outscoring several 1st round WR (start up draft, not rookie) in the process.
The Bad: After Alfred Morris, the Idiots haven’t gotten anything out of the RB position. Antone Smith and Roy Helu have put up ok numbers for a flex play. The problem is they’re currently in the RB2 position, although neither is really a week to week start unless desperate.
The Chances: This team needs to get something out of the RB position to have a legit chance. Carrying 7 QB hasn’t helped their cause any, as they haven’t been able to plug other holes without the roster flexibility, and after another week or 2, teams that are out of it likely wont be concerned with bye week issues. If this was a Super Flex or a 2 QB league, the Idiots would be sitting on a gold mine. In a 1 QB league, they’ve shot themselves in the foot. Unless they make a splash or Martin/Reaves take off, this team will be a consolation squad. I give them a 33% chance.
Long Snappers – Yobagoya (1-3, 6 VP, 613.30)
The Good: Julius Thomas has been his usual self, and the defense has been lights out, including putting up a record 91.62 points in Week 4.
The Bad: The QB play. The Washington tandem and Tom Brady haven’t been getting it done. Thankfully for the Snappers they found a taker for Brady, and got a stellar return. Maybe they’ll have to hook up with the Idiots to pick up an Alex Smith or a Joe Flacco?
The Chances: While this is a decent team, they’re slim on WR. We don’t really like their chances unless they add at the WR position. If they can go out and get a useful QB along with a solid WR2 type player, they could be in the playoffs. Without that, they likely miss by less than a handful of points. With the roster as is, I give them a 40% chance.
Rex in the City – Taco Corp (2-2, 9 VP, 672.60)
The Good: The top players for the Rexes have been the top players. ARod, Jordy, DeMarco and Forte have all been as advertised, albeit with a few hiccups. Nelson and Murray are early season MVP candidates.
The Bad: The Rexes would probably like to be seeing more out of Jason Witten, and after Jordy there hasn’t been anything special out of the WR.
The Chances: If Rodgers, Jordy and the stud RB stay healthy, this team could very well compete for a championship. They’re solid on D, and Sankey should be taking over for Greene/McSuckster anytime soon, giving them 3 stud RB. Whoever gets this team in Week 9 gets a gift, but I think they have too much top end talent to drop off. I give a healthy Rex in the City squad a 75% chance of making the playoffs.
Knuckle Ballers – Taco Corp (3-1, 12 VP, 679.92)
The Good: Weeks 1 through 3, the Ballers were the 2nd highest scoring team each week. They have a top QB, several solid TE, and a deep WR corps.
The Bad: Week 4, without their Denver stars, the Ballers scored the fewest points in the league.
The Chances: This team likely goes as far as Peyton Manning will take them. That may not be a bad thing, as Manning has been ridiculously good the past couple years, and already has the Bye and the defending champs in the rear view. They’re the deepest team in the league and I’m going to go out on a limb and say the Knuckle Ballers are 100% a playoff team, and likely have Week 14 off.
San Juan Bananas – Yobagoya (3-1, 12 VP, 716.20)
The Good: If awards were handed out today, JJ Watt would likely be the Defensive Player of the Year. He’s been dominant in the early season.
The Bad: A solid defense has been hampered by a number of injuries. Top players at both DB and LB are out leaving the Bananas scrambling.
The Chances: The Bananas are the highest scoring team in the league, but are currently fighting the injury bug. They do have a pile of extra picks they can use to acquire some talent to put them over the top. While they may not be quite as deep as the Ballers, I think they’re a top 2 seed once we reach the playoffs. The only thing that will slow them down is a Stafford implosion or injury. They’re 100% a playoff team otherwise.
Chalupa Batman – Senor Crabs (4-0, 12 VP, 670.24)
The Good: Antonio Brown and Julio Jones make the Chalupas WR the class of the EBFL. Antonio Brown is definitely an early candidate for Offensive Player of the Year.
The Bad: There isn’t much at RB behind Beast Mode, and the defense doesn’t compare to the other top teams.
The Chances: The Chalupas are off to a great start, and should be a division winner, thanks to being in the weakest division in the league. Their out of division games will determine whether they end up with a Week 14 Bye, but we have them pegged as the third seed. Key games for them will be the Week 7 and 13 tilts with the division rival Nagintas. We’ll give them a 80% chance of being a playoff team.
What Does John Fox Say? – Taco Corp (4-0, 13 VP, 631.10)
The Good: Matt Ryan has been great so far, and WDJFS has one of the best stables of DB in the league.
The Bad: Eddie Lacy hasn’t been the stud he was expected to be, and the TE are dropping like flies.
The Chances: While WDJFS is 2nd in VP, they’re only 7th in overall scoring, and you have to think the schedule bites back at some point. That said, I think they likely cruise into the playoffs, although I would be surprised to see them getting a first round bye. Just because I have to put a number on it, they’re getting a 90%.
Deadly Nagintas – Senor Crabs (4-0, 14 VP, 685.30)
The Good: Gio Bernard has been worth what the Nagintas gave up, averaging almost 20 points a game, and Knile Davis has been a revelation, with and without JC in the line up.
The Bad: Beyond a handful of players, the Nagintas don’t have much in the way of established players that aren’t on suspension. Their lack of real depth could be their undoing down the stretch.
The Chances: Despite being first overall through 4 Weeks, the Nagintas have faced teams with a combined 2 wins thus far. The schedule gets a whole lot tougher over the next 4, and will be a real test for the Nagintas. A couple wins during that stretch likely gets them in the dance, if we count on them knocking off the Bandits and Boners in their final meetings. We’re going to set the Nagintas’ playoff odds at 66%.
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